


Red might be love, but golden takes my breath.

by GreenMeetSteelBlue



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: At least 20 chapters, Blow Jobs, Both point of views, I usually write in past tense because i find it easier, M/M, POV Tsukishima Kei, POV Yamaguchi Tadashi, Romance and Happiness, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Tsukkiyama owns all my uwu's, Yamaguchi and Oikawa are good friends, but you tell me please, eventual sex I hope, long fic, sadness and resentment, sexy things come later in the story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2020-05-29 01:56:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19388161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenMeetSteelBlue/pseuds/GreenMeetSteelBlue
Summary: They were  friends, not the best, maybe not even good. But it was the best that Yamaguchi had, and a good thing for Tsukishima. With little effort Yamaguchi found someone incredible to look up to, Tsukishima found a handy pawn. Behind Yamaguchi's blushes was starting love, behind Tsukishima's boredom he liked the attention. They both pretended it didn't matter when whatever it was in between them started to break.Yamaguchi found friends he didn't worried about. Tsukishima found friends up to his level. Golden eyes he never wanted to meet again. Spiked hair he never wanted to see again.But then one day they do, again.





	1. Missed days

**Author's Note:**

> First english work, excuse my typos and mistakes. ^w^  
> (Next chapters will be a couple years in the future, so the boys will be in the early twenties by the way (And I encourage you to tell me how to improve, please :3 ))

Yamaguchi by the end of the year didn’t realized it anymore, not really. After a couple of years it had become the normal and average; how good it felt to be near Tsukishima. The closer the happier. And deep down, he wished Tsukishima felt the same way about him.

It had started around two years ago, when Yamaguchi was new to the institute. Of course he had noticed him, Tsukishima was a person that could stand out anywhere, so it didn't matter they were in different groups. For a long time Yamaguchi never looked deep into it; _he_ was tall and blonde so it was just easy to spot him, yet against expected things he only hung out with a couple of guys. 

And one day Tsukishima saved him, in the short and long run. 

"Can you be any more pathetic?" 

Talked someone with disdain but also amusement in his voice. He didn't stop or even looked at any of them while speaking, just said it out loud, loud enough for them to hear. Yamaguchi took a couple of seconds to look up, to find the person he had heard walking away. Not caring, not stopping, just doing. Then Yamaguchi was always looking up to him. Every day a little bit more.

After a week of awkward eye contact Yamaguchi finally approached him. A big breath in.

"Hi!" 

Tsukishima first turned his gaze towards him, then his face, and raised his eyebrows slightly. 

"Ah… Hi"

Yamaguchi couldn't believe it!. He was friends with the most amazing person he had ever met. And handsome.

Those were great days. They didn't talked a lot at first, but they were together all the time. All the time that they could, or all the time that Yamaguchi could. Yamaguchi befriended his two friends too, Bokuto and Akaashi. A light friendship that hardly went beyond talking about their family’s pets and hanging out some weekends, but Yamaguchi was okay with it. Little by little they had started to share more important things, especially with Akaashi. Maybe they could have became good friends back then, with time.

Then he was invited to Tsukishima’s house and met his family. Nice, cold, and maybe rich, but Tsukishima had never cared about that apparently, so of course Yamaguchi invited him to his house too, bigger and older.

The next year, last year of school, Yamaguchi would ask Tsukishima about future plans, all the time, but Tsukishima never answered, because it was too soon, and too annoying to think about that. Sometimes they talked the whole afternoon, and some other days they did homework in silence, Tsukishima usually explaining things to Yamaguchi making him laugh, or smile, Yamaguchi never sure if intentionally or not.

"I like your laugh" 

Said Tsukishima one day, with a small half smile and only to Yamaguchi’s ears under the loud music at Bokuto's house. It was after Akaashi accidentally did the thing while washing a spoon in the sink and received a blast of water in the face. Bokuto laughed hysterically, Tsukishima laughed kind of hard too, something that didn’t happen often, and the whole thing motivated Yamaguchi to do so, instead of just chuckling.

Tsukishima teased and annoyed his friends, and anyone probably. If he said something about someone it was what he really thought, and in front of them. Or it was just what Tsukishima wanted other to believe he thought about them, suspected Yamaguchi. Whatever it was Tsukishima did never let anyone step over him, because he would do so first, or he just cared so little it didn't matter at all. And Yamaguchi was amazed. 

One day walking home, together, close to where the streets went different directions "You are no longer the new student" Said Tsukishima, bitter. "Yes..." Answered Yamaguchi, knowing and not knowing what was he trying to say. 

They started to argue for real

"So? Do you want me to be boring like you?" And " I don't want to be like you... unfair, mean"

Late at night Yamaguchi tried to casually fix things, always. And every time Tsukishima seemed to not care. 

"What about, I don't know, we went to the same university, would be nice, right?"

"Would be… Strange"

After all Yamaguchi was still scared, after all Tsukishima wanted something else

Then Bokuto introduced Kuroo, and Yamaguchi disliked him right away. 

"I never tell you with who you can be"

"That's not what I mean, is just he is- he is..."

But he learned how to tolerate him, eventually ending up ignoring each other most opf the time. 

Blood dripping from Kuroo's lip, just a little red thread, and anger in Yamaguchi being replaced with regret. "Sorr-" "Are you fucking serious?" Tsukishima sounded more angry than ever, reaching for kuroo, just like bokuto and Akaashi and everyone else. "Sorry I-" "Don't worry kid" Said Kuroo "But you should leave, right now" And his gaze said the same. Yamaguchi was so ashamed, embarrassed, scared. All the eyes on him, Tsukishima helping Kuroo, Tsukishima not even bothering to ask Yamaguchi what had happened. He ran away. And after half an hour running, tired and lost he called a friend to pick him up. And he cried a lot, all night.

Summer break without talking to Tsukishima, school again, walking together, speaking a little, both mad or sad or disappointed or worried. 

They graduated, He saw him and Kuroo kissing in the morning. So Yamaguchi decided to find him, in the afternoon 

"I like you"

"You deserve better"

"You were nice to me"

"I pitied you. And you just feel like you owe me something. But...You offer me nothing, nothing at all Yamaguchi. _I_ deserve better"

In that moment, that moment. All or nothing. 

It was already night. He tiptoed and kissed Him, and poured his whole heart on it.

A cruel scoff "Kuroo's a lot better you know"

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I likeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww3eee your laugh" Said Tsukishima


	2. As Always

It was hot, so the glass door to the balcony was open, and a thin white curtain waved a little with the wind. Sendai was a big city, pretty, among others things. The desk and bookshelf were next to it, because Tsukishima liked the light and landscape when studying, and studying was what he had been doing the whole morning, reading paper after paper, finished by noon. He had a meeting to attend at night, it was  _ something very, very important  _ as had said Lev, which didn’t really meant anything. But there wasn’t anything else to do for the weekend, it would be more boring not to go. Akaashi and Bokuto were back in the city after being abroad for almost two years, which Tsukishima hadn’t noticed since they had come back for visits plenty of times. Now they were back for a long stay, hey had arrived a week ago, and since bokuto hadn’t really made a scandal about it, it was probably for them whatever Lev had planned, or Bokuto.

Tsukishima was uneasy, there was someone loosely tied to Bokuto and Akaashi, and the memory just came back with them, as sometimes it did. 

He had to thank Kiyoko for telling him that he should arrive after 8, arriving earlier at 6 as specified would only mean two hours of everyone trying to handle a excited and panicked Lev. And she must be right, Kiyoko was his neighbour and friend of Lev’s sister. They met almost everyday at their building, and not long ago they had started to do sport together. Actually any day Tsukishima chose to run or go to the gym he would met her, since she trained everyday. Repetition had made them kind of friends by now. Still, he saw her through the window leaving the building, before 6, because that was the kind of person that she was. Also was Kiyoko who had given him a rectangular box wrapped in pink paper and with a ribbon in one corner, it was probably a book. The gift was not sealed, nor was Tsukishima curious. 

_ His  _ memory again.  _ He _ wouldn’t had attended something like this back then, even less now, why would Tsukishima even consider that? 

He didn’t replayed the whole scene, luckily it was going to end up forgotten for how unimportant everything was, eventually. That night was windy, and with cicadas. Tsukishima turned away and started walking. But above the wind and cicadas and his own steps on the asphalt, he could hear the other guy footsteps. He remembered the sound, step by step faster, until  _ he  _ had started to run. Tsukishima had listened carefully, but hadn’t stopped walking back to Kuroo’s house, or even looked back. 

Akiteru was invited too, and he had already made an excuse, he probably had gone if Tsukishima were the one to stay home. They both knew that, for a long time now. Lev didn’t lived that far away, and walking in summer nights wasn’t bad, but his bag wasn’t big enough for the damn gift. And Asahi had offert to pick him up, because he was nice, all the time, and too shy to arrive by himself. Tsukishima had met him at uni, sharing a couple of classes, but the single one that also included Lev was what had made them ‘bond’. By his own he would hardly befriend someone that stressed and nervous. Asahi was sweating a little, which only he himself would worry about, since the short sleeve blouse was going to lead plenty of eyes to his arms. 

When they arrived to the building they saw a group of people next to the parking space, Tsukishima had seen at least half of them before: Friends, classmates, and neighbours of Lev, some of them greeted them from afar, thankfully no one approached them. It was the fifteenth floor, the highest, a little ascensor talk; 

“At what time should I drive you back?” Asked Asahi, 

“Don’t worry about that” 

“Please, I insist” 

“No, I mean, maybe I’ll spend the night here” 

“Oh, good then... But if anything just ask me” 

“Why don't you stay too?” 

“Yeah, well, no.” He said laughing a little, which didn’t answer anything. 

“Ah, by the way, so you too brought a gift! What is it?” “A book, proba-” “That's so cool! Ah, I should have thought mine better… I bought socks, a bunch of cute socks!” Tsukishima snorted “Are they cat themed?” 

“Ah, yeah, why?” 

“You’ll be fine”.

There was one single door, since the whole floor was the Haiba’s apartment, Asahi knocked. “So, it’s a party for Lev, right?” Tsukishima only shrugged. The door opened and a smiling girl appeared behind it, Tsukishima didn’t knew her. “Hi, Welcome. Oh Asahi!” She gave him a short hug and pulled him inside, Tsukishima following a couple of steps behind.

Dim lights of differents colors, in panels in every wall and corner with bright tones, stools and chairs and people all around the place, chatting, drinking, laughing. It was hard to distinguish someone from afar with this lightning. Tsukishima searched the immense living room, bar, and part of the dinner room that he reached with his gaze. Looking for a familiar face, like Lev, or Bokuto…

He started walking forward, through the living room, trying but failing to stop looking at everyone. It felt different, like a place he hadn’t be dozens of times before. He reached the spiral staircase that helped to divide the living from the dinner room, that had a couple of long fancy tables, and more people.  A tap on his shoulder “Hey” greeted Kiyoko with a faint smile. “Hey” “I forgot this” She said, reaching for the box that Tsukishima was holding, putting a pink card right under the ribbon. Tsukishima looked at it.

Congratulations Arisa.

Tsukishima.

Arisa, Lev’s older sister. Fuck. A party for Lev, or a Party for Lev starring Bokuto and Akaashi? the latest more likely, or at least that was what Tsukishima wanted the most. No more ideas. He barely knew Arisa, and had no idea what they could be celebrating tonight. 

Nothing special, barely a change. It wouldn’t had matter, why would it? He had come to kill time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, maybe I don't know how to paragraph, or how to... word. But the important thing is that I know what story I want and at the same time I have no idea what the next sentence is going to be about. Love You, bye.
> 
> *Kiyoko has won hundreds of medals.  
> *Headcanon that Tsukishima's career is business or something like that  
> *Yaichi wasn't in this chapter, but is important to remember such wonderful girl
> 
> Thank you for reading me!
> 
> ^w^


	3. There and Here

There and here

Chapter 3  


This side of the terrace was his favorite now, the corner in between the garden and the street. Because the leafy tree that reached the second floor, and gave shade to half of the terrace. Yamaguchi was seated on the floor, reading a book about space that Suga had lent him, there was a squared pillow in between Yamaguchi's back and the balcony railing. The day was still hot, but with enough wind to feel good, and Yamaguchi had grown to like the noise of the trees’ branches shaking and crashing. They were at Oikawa’s house, waiting for Hanamaki and Matsukawa, since they had practice today.

Oikawa started to hum a song, one of the new ones. Yamaguchi moved his gaze from the page towards Oikawa, who was laying on the wooden bench, or at least his body, since his head was hanging and his hair was about to touch the floor. "Which one is that?" Asked Yamaguchi, "I haven't name it yet, any ideas?" Yamaguchi put down the book "What is it about?" Oikawa shrugged "It doesn't matter." "Of course it does" "Didn't you feel anything?". Yamaguchi frowned a little "I guess.. it was a little bit sad" "Ah, really? I'll keep that in mind. But give me a name, anything to work with" "Ha, anything?" Asked Yamaguchi a little bit amused. "What about, something with 'sumer'?" "Too common" Whined Oikawa.

A few seconds of hard thinking "Adenosine triphosphate it is" Oikawa chuckled “Too easy”. Before more ideas they heard familiar voices, of the two friends approaching. Yamaguchi grabbed his bag and jumped over the balcony railing, then carefully stepped on the padded ledge of the living room window, Oikawa following him. They used it to get down more than the stairs, Yamaguchi had been the last to join in it, it had taken weeks to don't feel bad about stepping on the wall. So Oikawa had put cartoon first, but Hanamaki and Matsukawa had made fun until they all gave money to buy one of those toddler protectors and put it over the ledge, so it wasn’t slippery and looked cute. “Sorry the delay, we were getting drinks” Said Matsu getting an orange juice can from his bag and handing it to Yamaguchi. Oikawa reached for one with his hand, Mattsun high-fived him and then pushed Makki and Yamaguchi inside.

Oikawa's band was composed by himself, and whoever felt like accompanying him, mostly Mattsun and Makki. Yamaguchi was there to be honest about the music and to make the posters designs. He had met them through Suga, with whom he shared the apartment, because apparently every book Oikawa had ever read, mostly about music, had been one way or another borrowed from Suga. Yamaguchi couldn’t stand him at first, because Oikawa made comments nonstop of Yamaguchi and Suga, that they were definitely together and in love. Thing that was only half right, Yamaguchi probably loved Suga, but apart from the two times they had ‘accidentally’ have sex, they were just friends. Then Suga was the one that used that to make Yamaguchi blush all the time, and so, he started to get along with Oikawa.

Oikawa had the most amazing voice that Yamaguchi had ever heard, of course he would say it was nice, but never had dared to tell how nice it was. In most of the rehearsal Yamaguchi had plenty of time to observe them: Oikawa suddenly stopping with the strings and just taping on the guitar, because that way he memorized better what he had just made, Makki frowning focusing on the piano keys, and how he too tuned the strings on the bass when Matsukawa joined. It was important, since Yamaguchi’s job was precisely to catch the spirit of the band, and also he enjoyed it. Every song until now had conceptual art, Yamaguchi was indeed the most important, and only, member of the art team. At first Yamaguchi had thought of it as a way to gain experience, apart from having somewhere to hang out every weekend, but by now he designed the night away, without any delivery term, and maybe the feeling that it somehow payed back what the guys gave him, something else apart from Oikawa’s money.

Hi was sitting on the couch, continuing with his book, besides him Mattsun typing lazily on his laptop, cussing everytime he had to erase, which was frequently. “Ah, like this?” Asked loudly Makki, visibly trying to look serious. “No, no, no!” Said Oikawa exasperated, touching one by one, dramatically, the keys on the right order. “Got it” Said confidently Makki, proceeding to do it wrong again, Oikawa’s face was red and Makki could barely hid his smirk. At the end Yamaguchi always knew what to draw.  
  
His phone vibrated, and his heart skipped a beat when he saw it was Yachi. He adored when she called, knowing most of the times wasn’t for something personal. Didn’t matter, it had felt like love at first sight, he was absolutely going to ask her out. Eventually. 

“Yachi! hi”

“Hey, hi, how are you?”

“Good, it’s-it’s nice to hear you”  
  
Awkward chuckles, from both. 

“It’s Oikawa there?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I think I've found an amazing thing for him, tonight.” And she sounded really excited.

“Really? but… tonight?” 

“I know, but please, i mean it’s going to- it sounds like an important, you know- it’s important. Sounds like a wonderful event, oh and the pay is amazing”

Yamaguchi glanced at Oikawa, knowing, and sighed

“Give me five minutes, an hour!... I’ll call you back. Send me the information, and I’ll try to convince him”

“Thank you so much, ah, bye then. Thank you” said Yachi heartfully, And hung up, right after he received a small text, a polite greeting, ‘I’ve heard great things about you’ Referring to Oikawa, A direction, somewhere almost in the other side of the city Yamaguchi could tell, the time 10 p.m, and ‘romantic cool danceable songs’. Following an apology for the sudden request, five times the money Oikawa usually asked.

“Uh, Oikawa?” “Hm?” “Are you free tonight?” Asked Yamaguchi, sure the answer was going to be ‘no’. Makki raised both hands, cheerfully “Man, you took your time!” Oikawa took two seconds to get it,”Oh my,” he said reaching his chest with his hand “Won’t Suga get mad?” Yamaguchi took another two seconds to get it. “What? What?!. No! It’s an offer- For playing at some event” Remarked yamaguchi before more additions.

Oikawa did the _pose_ ; hands on waist, hips tilted and offended face, Yamaguchi started to feel nervous, and grabbed the rim of his t shirt. “Who do they think I am? scheduling the same day, ha, what am I? Some-” “Bitter, annoying, and horny singer.” Stated Mattsun, Making Yamaguchi giggle, Oikawa frowned “I am not a bitter person. Anyway, let me see” he said taking Yamaguchi’s phone. Who could do nothing to stop it. 

And Oikawa stared at the phone for a long time, Yamaguchi supposed it was the payment put there. Makkin was approaching from behind, curious about the text, but as soon as he put his hand on Oikawa's shoulder he touched the screen and throwed the phone back to Yamaguchi, Mattsun catching it instead “Come on, why did you erased it” “What?!” Almost yelled Yamaguchi, looking at the screen, and the tiny ‘message deleted’ on the screen. 

Yamaguchi stood up immediately “What? Why?!” “Why waste time” Said Oikawa prideful. Yamaguchi felt defeated and sad, he hadn’t had even the opportunity to try to convince him. “It’s… It’s very important” “Of course not” Said Oikawa amused, almost nervous thought Yamaguchi. “You are being a cockblocker” teased Mattsun, Yamaguchi turned immediately towards him, shaking his hands and mouthing a desperate ‘no please’ “This precious boy is trying his best to impress Yachi” “I’m not” He replied, covering his blushed face with his hands.  
  
“Awww. You are so horrible Oikawa” Joked Makki grabbing his things, Matsukawa had been getting ready too. “Try with flowers next time” was his advice, walking towards the door. “And Make Oikawa pay for them” Added Makki, joining him. Oikawa runned towards the door and opened it dramatically before Mattsun could “I want you to leave” “Bye!” Said cheerfully the two to Yamaguchi, ignoring everything else. 

What was Yamaguchi going to tel Yachi? Should he call her right now or wait the hour to not look so useless?. The second option probably. It was already dark, so Suga had probably already eaten dinner, back at their apartment. He always cooked for both It was just that Yamaguchi prefered eating together. “I guess I’m leaving too.” He said lifting his bag, that he immediately after drop to the floor after being suddenly pulled by Oikawa, grabbing his arm, and taking him upstairs. “What happens? it’s late I can’t stay” “We are not staying” Explained Oikawa, reaching his room, pushing Yamaguchi and making him seat and the bed and taking his own shirt off. Yamaguchi was panicking “I- I don’t really think this is a good... moment…” He said, lowering his voice with each word, doubting. 

Looking at Oikawa shirtless had made Yamaguchi realize that he too, sadly, was horny. And lonely. Suga wouldn’t mind the delay, Yamaguchi smiled, Suga would be proud of him for this, not that Yamaguchi would tell him. But before panic turned into excitement Oikawa walked towards his closet, and came back wearing new clothes, fancy clothes. “So you are going then?” Asked Yamaguchi confused, but relieved, already looking for his phone to tell Yachi. “Thank you so much, I know you don’t like rushed things so, ah, I don’t know, I owe you one I guess” Said Yamaguchi, truly thankful, and he could see Oikawa smiling through the mirror while fixing his hair, and grabbing the glasses he used to drive or read “Good, then you can pay me right now” Yamaguchi scoffed amused “Yeah, how?”

Not only was Yamaguchi arriving to a party full of strangers, but one he wasn’t invited to. On the way there he had texted Suga that he was going to arrive late. Sometimes Yamaguchi went to see them play too, but had been always with at least Makki or Mattsun. They arrived to the place, Oikawa parked on the side of the street a little bit too far from the building, that was huge, but at the same size that all the others around the place. Yamaguchi slide down the seat, trying to make himself smaller. “What about I wait for you here” Oikawa took off his glasses and patted him on the shoulder “I don’t like doing this things by myself, you are my moral support” “Then why not Makki or Mattsun?” “Why not you?” “You know I don’t really like this things” Oikawa shrugged gettin out “Do it for Yachi then” and his voice was in between playful and serious. Yamaguchi didn’t know how to respond, and sighed. For Yachi then.

It was in the last floor, and there wasn’t as much people as Yamaguchi had feared. The place was quite luxurious, and most people was dressing in something formal, what was making him self conscious of his clothing. At least the lighting was more like that of a club, in colors and not so bright, and as long as he were close to Oikawa no one would pay attention to him. The place was pretty apart from huge, every now and the Yamaguchi had to do little skips to not lose Oikawa, who walked as confidently as usual, guided for a tall man with silver hair, who was excitedly talking to oikawa while walking, bumping against other people.

They reached probably the other side of the place, the opposite wall to the door one, with a stage built at least one meter above the floor, with mic and wires and lightning, everything ready. They had asked for something romantic among other stuff, so Oikawa had bring his acoustic guitar and his voice, because that was more than enough. There was a smirk on Oikawa’s face getting on stage, one that repeated to Yamaguchi there was something important about all of this for his friend. 

Yamaguchi started looking around, deciding to go to the corner close to the staircase, one of the walls had a wide step that was used to put flowers pots, because Yamaguchi had found a couple of dry leaves in between the cushions that replaced the plants so people could seat there, if decided to, there was plenty of space anyway. As soon as Oikawa took the microphone people started to gather closer, and the people on the second floor went to stand or lean against the long rim of the inner balcony. Oikawa said a small greeting and starting singing, which was unusual. It was a Spyair cover, then one of his, then another cover. Yamaguchi tried to stay respectful to the occasion and his friend paying attention to the show, but couldn’t help checking his phone every five minutes, for the time since it was almost 11 pm, and for Suga’s reply. And since he hadn’t received none yet it probably mean he was going to die as much as he stepped inside their apartment. When he lifted his head once again towards the music a pair of eyes right in front of him made him almost jump in fear. “You are with Oikawa right?!” “Yes!” He answered instantly so he wouldn’t be kicked out. But then he realized it was the guy that had greeted them first, Yamaguchi hadn’t really saw his face, but the silver hair was harder to miss or mistake. “Yes, yes I am” He repeated calmly this time. 

“I’m Lev” He said, reaching for Yamaguchi's hand and shaking it effusively “Hi, Yamaguchi” Yamaguchi didn’t know if was okay to pull his hand away. He regretted it the second Lev was the one pulled him from his spot and making him stand “You can’t see the whole thing from here” Yamaguchi started to feel cold and then hot. “No no, it’s fine, thank you” Yamaguchi said shaking his free hand, which was useless, “Come on” Said Lev cherfully has if he hadn’t hear him, which could be the case, not because the music but because Yamaguchi’s voice. Lev continued to pull him towards the stage. As soon as they reached the crowd Lev apparently saw someone else and left, disappearing in a second. Yamaguchi wasn’t going to go back, that would be worse. He should try to enjoy the music, after all he new most of the lyrics, but except the rest of the people singing or dancing, Yamaguchi only dared to sweat.

The fourth song ended. “The next song is Arisa’s favorite, Someone told me. But before that, Someone needs to tell you something, Arisa.” Said this, Oikawa stepped aside and a man took the mic. 

“Six months ago you became a Doctor, and for Six months you have been the best Doctor the world has ever seen” An awkward smile. “Also, exactly 1592 days ago you kissed me for the first time. And for 1592 I’ve been the happiest person in the world, each day happier than the day before, each day loving you more and more. Arisa...” His voice started to break, people started to gasp, and chatter and whisper. Tha man went down the stage and walked a few steps into the salon while the lights turned to the normal brightness again, everyone started to step back, leaving a big space to him and the woman in front of him. Only then Yamaguchi got it, and smiled widely watching the couple

“Arisa, would you-” “Yes!” Yelled Arisa jumping to him. They hugged, and then crying and shaking they put the rings on, then Lev joined in the hugging and some other people. Everyone was cheering, and Yamaguchi was heartfully clapping, truly happy for them.. Slowly a new song started to play, another cover, a very sweet song. The couple started to dance there, alone, for themselves, and everyone just watched with smiles or tears on their eyes. 

His phone started to vibrate, hoping and fearing that it was suga. But it was Matsukawa.

“Hi-”

“So, Suga just told me that you two casually went, alone, you two, by yourselves, somewhere on the other side of the city.”

“Yeah, well, it was all of sudden.”

“But why didn’t you tell us? we are always in for going out!”  
“Uh, it’s just, uh, Oikawa forgot to… tell you”

A short silence.

“Yamaguchi, are you and that boy doing the job that Yachi gave you”

“I am not really playing”

Matsukawa sighed.

“But why he didn't even tell us? What did you to convince him?”

“I don’t think I did anything, he just changed his mind. Maybe… just to help me with Yachi”

A silence, now longer

“Do you know something, for who is the party.” He sounded serious, and Yamaguchi started to get nervous, was he mad?

“Well, I could say- the girl’s name is Arisa”

“Haiba?!” Yamaguchi frowned at the name. until he remembered, he had read it before, on his phone.

“Actually... I think that’s the name signed on the invitation”

“Fucking Oikawa!”

Yamaguchi froze

“Wha-What, what is wrong”

A frustrated groan from the other side of the line.

“He is just there being a slut, in a bad way.”

“...What?”

“He is there just hoping to meet Iwaizumi”

The name ringed, he had hear it before.  
  
“Iwaizumi… As in Iwachan?!” And Yamaguchi put his hand over his mouth for the little yell that had escaped.

“Yes!”

“Fuck, ah! I mean, what should I do? You need to come here!”

“Oh, we are going. But whatever happens try to keep him away from Iwaizumi”

“I have no idea how Iwaizumi looks” Said Yamaguchi panicking and looking everywhere, as if hoping to spot someone that fitted oikawa’s taste.

“Is he done?” Yamaguchi hadn’t even notice when the song had stopped, and now the stage was empty.

“Yeah, should I distract him or something?”

“Knock him out and drag him outside if possible” 

Matsukawa hanged up and the first thing Yamaguchi did was call Oikawa, while looking everywhere at the place. Of course he wasn’t going to bother doing this to help Yamaguchi with Yachi. Of course. Yamaguchi was started to feel annoyed, but not quite mad, after all, what could he reclaim from Oikawa?

After a couple of tries, Yamaguchi gave up and put his phone back to his pocket. A little trembling while walking… somewhere. Despite the lights back to usual, there was too much place to look around, Yamaguchi decided to go around the whole first floor, using the walls Kiyoko gently put her hand on the shoulder of the girl, stopping her ranting. She smiled and looked to Yamaguchi with a soft smile. “Nice to meet you. Thank you, I suppose it caused you trouble. Yachi said you were resourceful” Yamaguchi smiled awkwardly, “It’s nothing” It kinda was nothing, Oikawa should be thanking them, the hard part was now to get him out of here. Oikawa!

“Right! I was looking for Oikawa, have you seen him?” “Uh, no, not since he was singing” Kiyoko pointed behind her to her right. “I saw him talking to some guys over there” Please don’t be Iwaizumi among them. “Thank you” He said rushing past them, turning over a for a second. “And nice to meet you, and thank you, and bye” then continued walking towards said direction, glancing here and there looking for a brunet head, not doing the walking or looking very efficiently since he tried his best to not bump against any of the people dancing, or just standing. But then he saw it, the guitar case lying against the wall. Oikawa wasn’t especially carefully about it, but he couldn’t be far. Before some steps more to reach it, a hand grabbed him by the arm. 

Yamaguchi did a little skip, startled. “Hey, looking for me?” Said Oikawa with a big grim. Yamaguchi exhaled in relieved, then tried to look serious, maybe even angry. “We need to go” Oikawa frowned, but keep an amused expression. “What? Why? Is not that late.” “You-” Yamaguchi stopped, it would be worse to tell him. “An emergency.” “What?!” “Uhm, he, needs you to go back home. Let’s go.” Oikawa looked worried now, and Yamaguchi felt guilty “Who?” Who?! “You-your sister” “‘He’ my sister?” “Uhm-” Oikawa pull out his phone. Scrolling a while, probably the missed, or ignored calls from Mattsun. Meanwhile Yamaguchi could try to tell if Iwaizumi was there. But he founded the person he wanted to see the least, probably. His heart and eyes stopped in the dark eyes, the usual grin, worse maybe. Yamaguchi took a pair of seconds to understand it was really Kuroo... “But she hasn’t called…” Oikawa's voice, pulled him back and the first thing he did was look at the floor. Yamaguchi felt sick, inside a wave of shame and anger and fear.

“Oh my, my, long time no see uh?” Kuroo said loudly, His voice making Yamaguchi clench his jaw. “What? You know each other?” Asked Oikawa excitedly “Why didn’t you tell me?” He added, and Yamaguchi wasn’t sure for who of the two was the question, probably himself, he had to look up. But then he was probably there too, Tsukishima could be there somewhere, close. He didn't want this. Hi lifted his gaze and tried to keep it on Oikawa. “It's’ just…” His lips were trembling a little and he didn’t know what to say. “We’ve never been good friends anyway” Said Kuroo cheerfully, Yamaguchi couldn’t help looking at him, who was staring back, one hand in his pocket the other holding a glass. Kuroo bit his lower lip, where the fist had hit, maybe because he new Yamaguchi was checking for a scar. Then he patted oikawa on the shoulder “You should come.” tilted his head towards Yamaguchi. “And bring him too:” 

Yamaguchi was dizzy, the music too loud the lights to bright and not enough air. He moved back, stumbling. “I… I need to go” He said with a small voice, turning back. Where was the door, where was the door? He looked everywhere. ‘I don’t want to see him, please’. To every dir4ection scared, he didn’t want to find that blond hair, meet the golden eyes. He saw the dar and started walking as fast as he could, “Sorry… sorry” bumping against a couple of people, not caring that much. The door was half open, outside in the hall were some people here and there, drinking and laughing. 

He needed to stop shaking before walking to the ascensor, so he leaned against the wall and thanked the cold sensation. He wanted to sit down, or run. But also he didn’t wanted attention. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths, finally leaning a little fit forward putting his hands above his knees. “Yamaguchi.” Called a familiar voice, Oikawa. He was standing in front of him. “What’s wrong?” He asked with a worried face, again, now looking up and down Yamaguchi. “Sorry… I am fine” “What happened?” “Nothing, I just started to feel dizzy, I don’t know why” He tried to sound as casual as he could, then he noticed the black strep of the case over Oikawa. “So... we are leaving, right?” “Of course we are!” He answered between mad and concerned. Things had work out anyway, Yamaguchi smiled a little.

“Can you walk?” Asked Oikawa grabbing him by both his forearms. Before Yamaguchi took the first step, a group of guys went out of the door. A small laugh, hidden deep under all the other voices and laughs. But yamaguchi knew it so well. he had no doubt at all, which made him feel more frustrated at himself for not being able to stop looking for him. Scared, sad, angry, ashamed. But he wanted to. 

Tsukishima turned his head, meeting his eyes right away. He knew, maybe he had noticed Yamaguchi long ago. And nothing, just cold eyes and a mean smile. And then looked away again. He had just make sure Yamaguchi knew how unimportant, small, and pathetic he was. Yamaguchi knew it, because that was how he was feeling. 

Yamaguchi turned back his head, his gaze back to the floor. The ascensor closed and the noise lowered a bit. "Yamaguchi…" Called softly Oikawa, still grabbing him, holding him. "Yamaguchi!” He slapped him in the forehead and kept his hand there. "You are having a fever" Then started to fan him with his hand. 

But Oikawa's voice felt far away, and the floor and the wall. His eyes started to burn a little, he didn't wanted to. Another couple of deep breaths.He wasn't going to cry. He started walking, trying to avoid showing his face "Please, let's just go" He said, and Oikawa followed, in silence. Yamaguchi reached for the button, but stopped halfway. He needed more time, and distance "Could we take the stairs?" "What? But we are in the.. Ahhh" Groaned oikawa annoyed, but then he spoke in a nice voice. "Yeah, you look like you need a walk" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, you are wonderful, remember you can always help me improve.  
> ^-^ 
> 
> Did I took long to post the new chapter? Maybe, Maybe I did.  
> Did I make it like eight pages long when the first ones were like two? Yes, yes I did.
> 
> Thanks for the patience! Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!"


	4. Impulsive

Impulsive

Chapter 4

The day was too hot to go running, to go outside, to leave his apartment. Inside was hot too, so it was just the sun what bothered him. 

Lately he had been feeling in between amused and something else, at unease probably. 

Tsukishima's room had a great view, towards a part of the city with not many tall buildings and some mountains far in the background, and it was nice at this times when he used to sit next to the window resting his elbows on the metal rim. He stared at his fingers, tapping against the metal following the beat of the song he was listening to, at home he prefered the speakers, just to rest from the headphones, that most of the time were used to rest from people.

The whole morning he had been thinking about unusual things, like his days at school,words he wasn’t mean to hear, and much more he was. Conversations that now he hated, and a couple that despite being horrible could make him laugh.

Yamaguchi owed him time, all the days wasted in useless kindness and apologies. But certainly there were things Tsukishima blamed on himself too, like the very last day he saw him, because the kiss had been a true surprise, and the one thing that he had been meaning to tell him got lost.

Anyway. It shouldn’t really matter, not even close to some projections theory he was studying. He looked back to the book on his desk, at the bars and arrows on the cover, and for a long time tsukishima had been at peace, knowing that what he had ended up saying hurt yamaguchi anyway, but seeing him had made him remember and think about more things that he knew, like the utterly disgust and maybe hatred that flourish in him at the pathetic act once again. Running behind someone, following like a dog, made out of excuses and apologies. Coward, weak. Tsukishima had expected many changes supposing he ever met yamaguchi again, he was looking towards it actually, find him again too see how much his harsh words had made the little boy realize, if just a bit, how bad it was to approach the world as if it were a nice friend, fair or promising. But no, Yamaguchi still looked a lot like the person he was back then. And that made Tsukishima feel more helpless and frustrated. 

He couldn’t guess how Yamaguchi felt about him, but he was sure of the things he hadn’t bothered to think about, like Tsukishima. So many apologies from Yamaguchi meant to him, except the ones that he wanted, that he needed. All his worries and fear about everyone else, but the day Tsukishima missed him for the first time Yamaguchi didn't care, nor did he the next day, and the next. And that had been exactly what had made Tsukishima stop missing. Good, he had other things to do, and of course Yamaguchi had his hands full with endless meaningless things. Everything about Yamaguchi was so hollow, like whatever it was he shared with Tsukishima,.

  
  


Tsukishima got up and stretched. He knew the more he dig, more upset he would feel. And probably the best thing was to once again erase everything, throw everything away. And he said that to himself, and repeated it. Have a quick glance to his closet, wondering about a lost red hoodie. 

“No” He thought getting out of his room “Who cares?” Tsukishima knew exactly what kind of persons he didn't want to be, won't’ be, he knew who he should avoid, must avoid, and of course he has gotten to know which people is fun to torn apart.

  
  
  


Tsukishima was bored, not that he didn’t appreciate the weekends, but right now he wanted to do anything except getting introspective in useless things. He cleaned a little bit of sweat drops on his nape, then recalled Kuroo. Tsukishima hated when he went missing like this, playing mysterious or busy, knowing well it was just so Tsukishima were the one to call and ask. Or at least most of the times.

Me: Come over?

Kuroo: On it

Kuroo: 20 min :P

Twenty minutes took Tsukishima getting ready and going out of the building, doing things slowly, drinking a lot of water before leaving, and a quick check to confirm his brother wasn't home.

Right after he reached the sidewalk he saw Kuroo´s car arriving, Tsukishima opening the door before the sports model had totally stopped. “Ready?” Asked Kuroo half clapping half rubbing his hands, Tsukishima frowned “For what?” “Ah…” Kuroo lifted his hands with an obvious face “The race? you know, the competition, the olympics!” Car started, Rolled eyes“Right. What olympics?” “Kiyoko is running, in like an hour, don’t tell me you forgot” Tsukishima hadn’t at all, because it was the first time hearing that, and he didn’t care for kiyoko path to athletic success, but he knew about her appointments, because she always told him about them. No matter how many events Tsukishima had missed and not even made an excuse, she was always enthusiastic with inviting her friends. Had she forgotten? or had Tsukishima not hear. “Where is it” “Date tech.Don’t get bored please, and I'm not stopping.”    


Tsukishima remembering being invited long ago, once or twice. It was almost across the city anyway, compared to the other three places relatively close to home that kiyoko always mentioned. “Did she invited you?” Asked Tsukishima. “Not really, but it’s fine, its some sport promoting or fundraising things, so it's fine they'll let us in” “I mean who told you” “Yaku. Why?... You didn't want us to go?” Asked Kuroo with a little worry. “I literally don’t care. And keep your eyes on the road” 

The university was huge, with a whole street framed on grayish blue walls. They joined a couple of Kuroo friends at the front gate, walking together to the gyms. All buildings were big and imposing, with little to no decorations or arrangements at all, at least outside. There were a festive atmosphere, with groups of people in different uniforms and banner with the name of schools or the planning for remodeling and scholarships. 

After a big path of stones they arrived a couple of buildings framing a big field, then another couple buildings and another field at a lower level, with many white tracks painted on the cement, including the circular running tracks. All the seats around the field were occupied, although the place wan’s really crowded. No one suggested going down the stairs, so they stayed standing there, Kuroo sitting on the ground, waiting for the next competition to start. There was plenty of people there and they had a decent view, the stairs were too much of a commitment for someone who just barely cared for one person, although it would be hard to spot kiyoko from this distance, thought Tsukishima.

An old lady appeared offering some cards supporting the extension of Date’s art building. Tsukishima tried to refuse politely but didn’t felt like insisting a no, and they were here. Kuroo actually asked from one, and from the floor asked some questions to the lady, sounding truly interested, and probably he was. Tsukishima listened to the conversation for a while, finally turning to his phone, answering to Akiteru asking for his whereabouts. The noise got higher so Tsukishima checked the stadium, with people already getting ready to run. He spotted a small figure in black with black hair, and he confirmed her as Kiyoko when he saw the smaller and blonde girl besides her. Kuroo had seen her a couple of times from afar next to kiyoko, so the pair had to be them. Kuroo started to clap and cheer, since he knew kiyoko but mostly another girl from his uni was competing too. Tsukishima only clapped, then the place went a little bit quieter but somehow the excitement remained strong in the place, specially because Tsukishima really wanted Kiyoko to at least beat Kuro’s favourite. 

  
  


A ring and then around thirty seconds of names and motivations yelled. All seven woman went very lined during the first half, then three got ahead, Kiyoko included. The one in a green uniform took advantage on the last seconds. Tsukishima could tell Kiyoko wasn’t the first, but wasn’t sure if she had been second. Kuroo and his friends started cheering for Eri, arguing she was the second one, “We all love kiyoko, but-” Said kuroo shaking Tsukishima by his shoulders “Whoa Eri! Wuhhh” And the other guys joined Kuroo in the celebration. Tsukishima kept a bored face until in the scoreboard appeared the names. Kiyoko second Runa third. Tsukishima smirked and laughed “Yeah, continue” he said, despite knowing Kuroo would remain happy. 

  
  


Tsukishima checked his phone, they had been half an hour here, for less than one minute of interest. “Can we go already?” But kuroo was sitting down again already. “It was a long trip here and it’s going to be so back, let's’ make it worthy, come on, at least one more. Oh, look, next is seniors, come on” Said Kuroo patting the floor next to him, Tsukishima sighed heavily, but sit down anyway. 

  
  


All for guys had sit down, with no real interest in the new racers but cheering only a little less than with Eri. Tsukishima was rather bored, looking around the place, hot and starting to feel thirsty. He got up to buy water, “Bring me one please” he heard Kuroo from behind, as if Tsukishima would stand Kuroo whining if he didn’t. Tsukishima had to walk a little and cross a couple building until he found a couple of girls serving by a big table next to the garden. There were plenty of cold beverages, all with doubled prices to support the school with the ugly yellow uniform the girls were wearing, Tsukishima almost felt bad for helping this one. He wasn’t walking any longer.

He seated on a stone seat by the garden drinking the cold water right there, under the thick trees shadow. Looking around uninterested he spotted Kiyoko, walking to the drinks place. He wondered if he should say anything, congratulating her seemed more embarrassing than bailing the events. She greeted the girls warmly, making small talk. Tsukishima decided that if she spotted him first he would talk to her, only if that. She did, looking quite surprised. “Tsukishima, hi” She said walking a couple steps getting closer to the stone seats. 

“You are here” She said, not in a happy way, just surprised. It was awkward, she did not tell him on purpose. “Yeah, Kuroo brought me”. “Ah” Awkward silence, and Kiyoko worried glance to her side, the direction from where she arrived. “So… second place, I hope you are good with it.” Asked Tsukishima, to at least kill the silence until the girls got a bag with bottles ready. Kiyoko laughed, “I do, but first is always better” Then she quickly grabbed her bag, a “See you later” and turned around, crashing with the guy that had just arrived in a rush, with a bunch of bottles rolling on the ground “Oh no, I'm so sorry, are you ok?” Asked Yamaguchi, because if there was a phrase were his unforgettable voice would be immediately recognized was that. Maybe except for another word.

Tsukishima gulped, without water in his mouth, trying not to stare, just a quick glance to Kiyoko who seemed fine, and a quicker one to the guy bent over picking up bottles. Then eyes down to the grass in the middle of his shoes, then the guy again, then Kiyoko who was picking bottles up too, then Yamaguchi again, and stayed there, until the blonde girl arrived “I told you to slow down, here” She said, grabbing half the bottles, which barely fit in her arms. “Yeah, Kow, sorry” He said again putting his hand behind his neck. a wave of heat went up Tsukishima, it was strange and upsetting feeling, deceiving and hot. If he stayed put he wasn't going to be seen, they were already leaving. “Congratulations anyway” He said with a loud and amused voice. Kiyoko turned around and said nothing, the blonde girl did too looking confused. But he saw it, no matter how much Yamaguchi had tried and Tsukishima knew he had tried. His stiffness, his struggle, his small attempt to turn around, a fast and shaking breathing. It was enough, he didn't’ need to see his face. 

Kiyoko frowned and just turned around walking again, all three of them. Tsukishima knew Tsukishima wasn’t not going to look back, because he knew he was being watched, what made Tsukishima staring at him until he disappeared somehow funnier. For a while he stared down to the bottle on his hand crushed and with most of the water spilled on the ground and remaining drops on his thumb, he hadn’t noticed. Very angry and eager he went back to Kuroo. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, here are some heart warming words from my cat  
> "ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssdhtyy67r{éeeeeeeeef ,,,ikewvcccca secocccc"
> 
> Please excuse any gramatical error, i had to work with some unknown vocabulary. Thanks for reading Bye!!! ^v^


	5. Even then

It hadn’t be as bad as the last time, but it was terrible anyway. Or maybe was worse, it was hard to differentiate, especially because it felt like he could not tellone moment from the other, like a single one, long, with not even a pause but just noise in the middle. So again he was laying on his bed face down. Just breathing, shakingly. Eyes closed and clenching his teeth. Suga had been checking on him since yesterday, again like a week ago. He didn’t wanted to involve anyone, in anyway. he would feel even more pathetic. It was enough with Oikawa, and now Yachi. And Kiyoko somehow, he had mentioned Tsukishima to her long ago, she was so easy to talk to, to open to, in words, through a memory, not like that. She had tried her best to say as little about to Yachi, and to distract him, and that had been just worse. Yamaguchi felt so guilty, like he should had left the country years ago and started a life somewhere, alone and unproblematic.

He had promised to talk more about his worries, this one particularly, with Oikawa. “Pour your juice of sadness all over me” had his friend said. And Yamaguchi had said yes, after that party, knowing that all that was not going to happen again, avoiding going out. Except to help Yachi, to help Kiyoko, who just had happen to be Tsukishima's neighbor. Should he had turned around? Should he had stayed with the girls and not just ran away right after? He had lost to what had happened, probably pleased Tsukishima and made things weird with Yachi.

“Yama?” Called Suga’s voice from the hall. Yamaguchi reached out for his closed laptop opening it quickly. “Yeah?” Suga appeared in his room, laying against the door frame “How you feeling?” “Uh, okay. Normal” he responded typing, trying to hide the launching screen. Suga was smiling, knowingly “Sure?” Yamaguchi tried to smile too. He knew suga knew and that he knew that he knew. It was like delaying a clockwork bomb. “Yeah, sure. just… stressed about work” “If the store man was mean you can tell me” Yamaguchi chuckled “What, no, no. I would never go there again alone” “I’m joking Yamaguchi. You’ll tell me anyway” “What?” “You will, now can you see what that guy wants, I don’t really want him here. Yamaguchi stood up on a spring “Who-what?” Suga waved his hand “Don’t worry, It’s just I don’t like him, he's too- why are you his friend?” using that voice that was never entirely serious, never entirely joking. Yamaguchi covered his face with his hands, a groan and then an answer “Oikawa?” “He’s in the living room, I came to tell you that” Another groan, exhalled Yamaguchi walking to said room .

He looked at Oikawa with a tired face. Oikawa walked towards him. “What took you so long, I don’t trust that guy, he’s mean” “Who? Suga?” Yamaguchi shacked his head “Well… then why did you came here, here to his house?” “Because you don’t answer your damn phone!” Yamaguchi reached his pocket, realizing he hadn’t checked his phone in hours, probably since yesterday. The battery was dead. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t know” “That I needed you or that you own a phone?” “Sorry, so uh, is it important, is it about my design?-” Oikawa started a tiny clap of hands, with a very excited face “I was asked.... to play...at…-” “Just say it!” Yelled Suga from the kitchen “The ace! The Ace! The  _ Áce”  _ Yamaguchi had to think for a second “The ahm, is it that place, the cubic building with the crystal walls?” Oikawa lifted his hands “The coolest place in this site only second to wherever we are rehearsing! Yamaguchi, oh my god.”

It sounded like something very important, Yamaguchi knew the place only from outside, a block size three story building that looked like a silver cube downtown. But only for the looks it was obvious it was a fancy place, artistic and festive, not entirely sure what it was until now. Yamaguchi tried thappy, as much as he could “So is it like a club or a, i don’t know, a theater?” Oikawa gave him a done face. “Anyway, Matsuhana are gonna be there and I want you to go with me” It was embarrassing the light heat that reached Yamaguchi’s cheeks. why was he like this? Oikawa smiled and shaked his head. “Don’t fluster, as a band member. And our dear friend of course” “I’m not in the band” Oikawa rolled his eyes “You edited the very same pictures that they are gonna put outside the door, and the ones I gave them like a month ago, an entire month uh, anyway you are like, the cornerstone, for a lot of things I mean it, we were spotted because of you.” Yamaguchi gave him a side eye. “And you are not with the guys right now because?” “I might be a little bit mad at them.” “Oikawa-” “No, but I mean it, I want you there, to thank you. And I need you. Please”

It was rather a rare thing, that as hours went by Yamaguchi was more excited and not regretting things. He just could not said no to Oikawa yesterday, and in a couple hours he was finally seeing one of the most important places in city, from the inside. But what had felt like a forced commitment had turned into genuine excitement. THe more he thought about how awkward he would be at the Ace the less he thought about his past problems, and his current heartache was silenced with pride for the guys, truly happy for them, and thankful with Oikawa. It would be over soon, but Yamaguchi was positive he was going to find a distraction soon enough, then another and another. Confident in his intentions of drowning all his regret, sadness, anger and frustration thoughts. He hadn’t talked to Oikawa about the last time shattered again efortesley by Tsukishima, but his friend as promised had helped him with the pain anyway. 

  
  


So Yamaguchi wanted to work hard for tonight, and be a true support to Oikawa. No hiding or excuses. He had googled the place, it was a club in the end, just bigger and way more expensive and with famous guests and one of the prettiest architectural designs in the whole city, always full but not crowded, with no advertising but known and loved by everyone. Maybe one day he would go there by himself, or asking Yachi.  _ Ah _ , Yamaguchi stop looking in his closet and cupped his head, wondering how much had kiyoko told her, hoping she was not thinking bad of him, with embarrassment or pity, or even less interest than before. He checked his phone, almost seven p.m. No time, he picked a black cardigan, and rushed to the street.

Yamaguchi’s excitement, or anyone’s could be compared to oikawa. He was living his dream, squinting and screaming the whole ride until they arrived, then getting out of the car with a serious face behind black glasses, at night, as if to avoid the paparazzi flashes. It was hot looking at him walk and move feeling like the star that he was, maybe just bigger than in reality, but bright anyway. It was hard to not feel strange by his side, but not in an entirely bad way. Every person outside the club turned around to see him, with flirty and intense stares. Yamaguchi was measuring how many steps behind Oikawa he should walk, trying to be in that blind point were people would only notice Oikawa, not so behind he would lose it. 

They went straight to the front door, he knew. He stood in front of the security guards, who gave Oikawa a nice “Good evening, sir.” Oikawa didn’t return the greeting “He is with me” He said reaching Yamaguchi with his hand, then putting his arm around him. The guard gave Yamaguchi a glance “Name please” “Ya-” “Matsukawa Issei” Interrupted Oikawa, right after entering the place, now dragging Yamaguchi with him, not giving time to the guards to doubt, or for Yamaguchi to open his mouth. 

Inside there was a big hall made of black velvet, with a high ceiling decorated with lights that looked like stars, Staff with white and blue suits greeted them. Yamaguchi gave them what he hoped was a nice smiled, but he was panicking so he couldn't tell. “What was that?!” he asked to oikawa standing in front of them, who seemed to be completely unbothered. “What? don’t worry, we are in, sorry but I had to say that” Yamaguchi started to feel angry, and worried “You want me to- What happened to Mattsun?” “Oh, I don’t know he must be getting the stage ready with Makki.” “What?!” Now Yamaguchi was truly worried, he felt like shaking. 

“I’m not replacing Makki but I'm completely uninvited and stealing someone else's place to be here. Oikawa, this is illegal!” Oikawa laughed and took of his glasses “People jump the queue all the time, relax, it’s totally fine” Yamaguchi turned around looking at the place, and the staff, and a couple of people talking and drinking. The velvet and the lights and the cameras and the big door with guards outside and inside. It was all planned and organized and vigilated, “Even places like this?” Oikawa rocked his head side to side “Gotta admit you’d need to be me to do this.” “Oikawa!” Yamaguchi sighed and took his hand to his head, starting to feel dizzy. 

He felt Oikawa’s hands on his shoulders “Yamaguchi, I’m sorry, I tried but it was only four passes, they were very annoying in that sense. But I couldn’t, we couldn't come here without you” “Oh you could you could” “Come on, it's fun, and excitement, an extra rush of adrenaline” “I really want to kill you” Yamaguchi was trying to breath deep and slower. “Why would you- why?” “I meant it, I need you here, I want you here. Because you helped us, and because we care about you, and to protest that didn’t let us bring all our friends. And you tell me, is this worse than staying at your house?” 

Yamaguchi stopped his hyperventilating, more or less. The sort of inner peace that he had been feeling, maybe it was worthy. Even this adrenaline rush was better. And indeed, they were already inside, getting out now was going straight back to crushing thoughts and feelings. He wanted to make tonight count, and he wanted to do it for the guys too. “You… Promise me no more stupid things tonight” “Not a single one involving you” Oikawa winked and put his glasses back on.

  
  
  


For an hour his three friends had been gone, so for an hour Yamaguchi had been sitting at a table near the stage, drinking slowly from the big glass of some alcohol Oikawa had bought him, strong, of faint color blue, Ice and sugar. The table was for six people, but only two more seats were occupied by a couple friends of Matsukawa, they were nice to Yamaguchi and occasionally made small talk, despite Yamaguchi not knowing them at all. 

The ace was amazing, many times more astonishing on the inside despite the outstanding outside. There were two stairs, one at each side of the place connecting the three floors which helped with the sound, there were large screens on all the walls showing the artist or some background decoration. Crystal and metal figures decorated the corners, and a couple of big chandeliers fell from the ceiling in waterfall shape. Same as the hallway, there were black and dark blue velvet everywhere, and lines of light along the walls. They had agreed to visit all floors after they played. 

They lights got even more dim and the all light was on stage. No presentation, Oikawa started to hum a song, interrupted briefly by a wave of claps and cheers. Yamaguchi got nervous looking at Matsukawa play, fearing someone somehow would realize that up there was no who was with Oikawa, but he looked around, at the dark place with all eyes on the musicians, and felt safe, drinking a little from his glass for extra calmness. By the third soon a lot of people were dancing, and the place was vibrating with light of all colors coming from the floor, even the slow sad songs that had been rearranged to be more upbeat. Good thing, because a one of them reminded him about Tsukishima. It had happened before the last two weeks, only that now Yamaguchi didn't feel like denying that to himself. And he hated it.

Yamaguchi sang along and put all his attention on his friends on stage, and taking some pictures with his phone, for memories and because he could get ideas for later. After the first six songs they had a break, but the place remained almost just as noisy. When Yamaguchi had drinken half the glass he decided to leave, not wanting to get drunk, and he knew he had done the right thing when Oikawa crushed at his table and stole his drink, finishing it in two seconds “I am...ah, this is fantastic. Did you see me? did you see me up there?” Yamaguchi giggled “Yeah, you are amazing, people seem to love you all” “Hey, so, we have like thirty minutes, wanna go upstairs” Yamaguchi looked around “Where are Mattsun and Makki?” Oikawa shrugged “They’re together they're fine. Her lets go” He said walking to one staircase. “It’s just like the first one” Oikawa said when the reached the second floor “We’ll come here later” He said continuing upstairs, Yamaguchi followed without problem, because it did looked a lot like the first one.

The upper floor was different, the ceiling wasn’t so high, and it had better lighting, which felt more personal somehow, a place where people could talk way easier than downstairs, the tables were bigger and more delicate, closer to the ones of a restaurant than a club. Oikawa wanted to drink so they were to the drinking bar, which was next to the other staircase, build as a little balcony, from when people could look all the way down to the stage. Yamaguchi noticed the big windows, that despite looking like mirrors for the darkness outside, let the shining spots of the whole city bee seen. The bartender gave Oikawa a medium glass with three color drink, even Yamaguchi could smell the lemon scent. “Don’t be shy, ask for whatever you want.” Said Oikawa raising his eyebrows “You pay or the club?” “I pay through the club” “I'm good-Who is gonna drive us home?!” “Makki, I think” “You asked them?” “They know.” Yamaguchi hummed. Oikawa finished his glass “So what do you think?” “About what?” “This place.” “It’s nice” “Just nice?” Yamaguchi looked around “It’s amazing, but the cool thing is that you are playing here tonight, right? right?” “Right, of course. I’m almost as happy as I can be.” Yamaguchi frowned “What’s missing?” Oikawa checked his phone “The reason why I’ve been fighting this kids” He answered, with a half smile. “So, they need me downstairs, some problem. Don’t worry it’s nothing, I'll text you when we are ready, here, drink something, enjoy the view” “But-” Yamaguchi just looked at his friend jog to the stairs and be lost. He considered following him, but It was fine, there it was less crowded and had certainly an amazing view, so he was gonna wait until they were about to play again to go back, of course first he texted Makki to make sure it was nothing important.

He spotted a free table right beside a window, it wouldn’t matter to sit down, alone and without any drink. Yamaguchi sat down, moving a little his chair almost touching the window.The same city, somewhere out there. It was a strange new view, except for a tall building that he could seen from far away, from other streets. He changed his eyes from his face reflection to the hundreds of yellow an white shiny dots. It was past eleven, so most were from street lights rather than inside the buildings. Overall was a nice scene, quiet and clean, tempting to divagate. “What is so interesting out there” Called a voice, above the music and chatter, close to Yamaguchi. Right besides him.

Yamaguchi startled turned to his right, finding a tall guy on the other side of the table, standing in front of the glass, looking attentive to the city, like believing Yamaguchi interest.

Yamaguchi thought for a couple of seconds “Just...staring.” The guy looked at him, making Yamaguchi slip down a little in his seat, nervous, feeling studied, or judged. Yamaguchi wasn’t sure if he had seen a grin on the guy’s face. 

Without asking the guy pulled a chair sitting in front of Yamaguchi, placing his arms on the table and laining a bit forward. Yamaguchi clenched his interlaced hands on his lap, thinking fast what to do. It wasn't just small talk now, but there was no reason to get worried. He just needed to say the truth and going down to watch his friends. He checked his phone making it obvious. “So, uhm, it’s about time the band-” “Don’t worry, you won’t miss it. I just need to talk something with you” Yamaguchi gulped, with a million ideas going through his head, feeling dizzy at the eternal gaze in front of him, uninterrupted Yamaguchi guessed for the three times he dare look at him he was looking him back. Yamaguchi cleared his throat. “A-About what?”

What was he doing, he could just leave. It was a stranger in a club anyway. “I mean, sorry, I am not interested, so, uh, bye.” “Yamaguchi” Called the guy freezing Yamaguchi, then the guy exhaled amused. “I’m sorry, I’m Ushijima” He presenting himself standing up as well “That doesn’t explain how you, how you know my name” “I heard Oikawa calling you. And… I know Oikawa” “Ok, so... are you Oikawa’s friend?” Ushijima tilted his head “I don’t know, we used to.” Yamaguchi fidgeted with his phone on his hand, staring at the hour while speaking “Why don’t you just go talk to him?” “I don’t know, it’s been a while. Maybe later. In the meantime I thought talking to you. You were alone down there and now here. I’m sorry if I annoyed you. You tell me, can we hang out until they start playing?” Yamaguchi opened his mouth “Uhm… it’s-if you, yeah, it’s, it’s fine” He nodded to emphasize “But!...how do I know you are not lying?” Ushijima turned his face away “He used to wear alien shirts all the time, had a crush on a guy called Iwaizumi, her sister was getting a master degree abroad” Yamaguchi smiled awkwardly, wanting to update the fact that now was aliens underwear. “Ok, ok. So, you listened to their performance, right?” “I’m here tonight only because of that” Yamaguchi started to feel normal again “Really? Me too, somehow ha. Did you like it?” “ How could I not, who couldn’t” Yamaguchi now could see him, his eyes were small and sharp, with thick eyebrows, taller than Yamaguchi. And a deep voice, but not rough. He was very, very handsome. “And, do you like this place?” “Here, the club? it is amazing, so pretty, and big. It’s the very first time I’m here. And is, you couldn’t tell from the outside” “Really? what wrong outside?” “NOthing, it’s just it looks very plain and, a cold image” Ushijima Hummed.

Yamaguchi’s phone rang

Makki: We just wanted Oikawa here fast. I don’t see you ??

“I should go on my way… downstairs” Said Yamaguchi stepping back from Ushijima. “Right, of course. Hey, mind if I join you later, maybe a drink or something.” Yamaguchi giggled with a new kind of awkwardness. A nice one. “Yeah, sure. I don’t know where I might be, so.” “It’s fine, I'll find you” And then he picked up his phone and nodded his head as bye. He was nice, and YAmaguchi felt good, rushing down the staircase.

Yamaguchi sang along and clapped with more energy than before, feeling a bit tired but only physically. When the guys came down hugged him and took a selfie. Whatever they had been arguing about they seemed ok with it, which was the normal. Yamaguchi only remembered one serious fight, over Oikawa’s injury. They sat down with Yamaguchi and some other friends, Drinking and talking outloud. They had sweated a lot, and Oikawa’s throat was a bit sore. Makki was not drinking, Mattsun was tired and kinda drunk, resting his head on Oikawa’s shoulder. When Yamaguchi was thinking about mentioning Ushijima to Oikawa, once again, the guy just appeared besides him, grabbing the stool next to him and sitting down. Mattsun and Makki looked at each other, confused. Oikawa was staring right at Ushijima, with an unbelieving face, mouth opened. Yamaguchi looked at everyone, not getting it. Mattsun broke the silence “Shut up” He said, apparently talking to Ushijima. 

Ushijima looked at Oikawa “I need to discuss something with you” Oikawa just stared at him with an unfriendly expresion, Ushijima continued “If you are interested, I heard you enjoyed today.” “What on earth would I want to ever discuss with you” Yamaguchi looked down at his hands, feeling he had done something bad. “Today's performance, it was good” “YEah, so?” “Wouldn’t you like to work here a couple more times?” Oikawa frowned “What are you saying?” “I’m interested at having you play here again” Yamaguchi started to feel dizzy again. “You? you are interested in us?” Ushijima chuckled “It’s a job offer.” “From?” Asked Oikawa defensively “Me? I can refer you to Saeko. Of course Yamaguchi too, I liked his photographs.” Everyone, even Yamaguchi were surprised at being called by his own name, and his work, now his friends confused expressions at him, specially Oikawa. Oikawa stood up abruptly. calling ushijima with his hand. “May we talk in private” Ushijima stood up immediately and followed. “Why would you do… all this?” Asked Yamaguchi, not sure if Ushijima had heard, he had. He turned around, with a soft smile “Friendship.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I love you and like your comments, haven't had time to proofread, sorry. This chapter was long thank you for your time, love you, bye.


	6. Every time

Tsukishima was running fast on the treadmill, because the Gym was empty early in the morning, except for kiyoko who was there always and first, except for yesterday, and today. A Sunny sunday that Kiyoko would love. It could just be something else, but Tsukishima knew she was doing it on purpose. He was tired and annoyed, having run for almost an hour, almost too much for him. He stopped and sat down on the rim of the treadmill, stretching his legs. He heard footsteps and the gym opening, to his surprise it was kiyoko, although considering the time she had almost missed him. 

He tightened her ponytime and said morning on her way to the treadmill next to Tsukishima. Her sight wasn’t worse than Tsukishima's, but she always took her glasses to the gym in a small case, unlike Tsukishima who managed his way from and to his apartment door with barely any stumble. Tsukishima hear the treadmill star, along with slow and light footsteps.

“Aren’t you tired for fridays thing?” Asked him still giving her his back “I rested yesterday” “Right.” Tsukishima grabbed his towel and took it to his face, covering it and leaving it here. He hear more people arriving, and the clinking of metal. Tsukishima turned his head towards kiyoko, without looking at her. “You know I know your friend” he said trying to no make it sound like a question. “Yamaguchi I guess” she answered unbothered, clearly not a guess.

“You knew we were?” “He mentioned you” Tsukishima bit the inside of his cheek. “Has he ever asked you…” “About you?” Tsukishima kept silent “I never mentioned you” Tsukishima raised his eyebrows. At least now he knew. “Any reason for it?” “He’s more Yachi’s friend than mine.” A pause, then a couple beeps from the treadmill “And you aren’t friends, right?” She asked, starting to run right after, end of conversation.

There were good things and bad things. Yamaguchi had not just ignored Tsukishima for months knowing where he lived, and secretly gossiping about him with kiyoko, he just didn’t know; Kiyoko knew things from Yamaguchi, and decided to leave Tsukishima out, because that was how she was and it bothered Tsukishima. Yamaguchi had said they weren’t friends, they weren’t; Tsukishima knew it was not under his terms, his reasons had been left out by Yamaguchi, because he never listened. And it had died, distance taking over when anger and pride ran out. But he was back, and Tsukishima’s ‘want not’ was weak without ‘can not’

A choice was back, and that was what Tsukishima hated.

  
  


Tsukishima tried to sleep through the day, not succeeding. In the middle of dinner and long knots of thoughts Bokuto texted him

Bokuto: COme over to dinner????

Bokuto:???

Bokuto: Akaashi kitchen

  
  


Tsukishima kind of owed them a visit after days of excuses. Looking in front of him to his quiet, and frowning brother was a big motivation to leave. Weekends were time to spend at home, in family. 

  
  


Me: Already ate. I can go later.   
  


Bokuto: Yay

  
  


Akaashi’s apartment was a mess full of boxes. “I know exactly what I’m doing” Said Bokuto emptying a box, spilling everything on the ground, mostly books and desk stuff. They were organizing their house, this time unpacking everything they had grabbed before going abroad, although half of them had been opened before countless times, Akaashi doing, Bokuto undoing. They were in the living room. Lev was there too and he had been the one to bring Asahi apparently, they and Bokuto were talking on the balcony, Tsukishima was on a stool by the kitchen bar, and Akashi by his side on his phone. Kuroo was working on a project with classmates. 

“How you been?” Asked Akaashi without lifting his head. “I’m fine, what about you?” Asked Tsukishima also checking his own phone. “Good, all has been nice lately" “Since you two came back?” “Mhm… that and another five years” “Right. Don’t brag” Everyone knew it was true, all the good things in the world that went from Bokuto to Akaashi. 

“Aren’t you jobless” asked Tsukishima “Happily jobless, by choice” “Right. Isn’t Bokuto jobless too?” Akaashi chuckled “He would be happier than me. And not, sorry we are not in trouble” he said with subtle sarcasm. “Is studying being harsh on you?” Tsukishima moved his head shoulder to shoulder “It’s not particularly funny” “So you are very Ok. Kuroo will graduate this year” “Let’s hope” A small laugh “I hope that inspires you” Tsukishima frowned slightly, sure Akaashi was looking at him. “It will not be a surprise, he's smart” “Whatever, I mean it because he is Kuroo” A moment of silence. “So are you in a break from music or something?” Akaashi ruffled his black hair. “No, it’s more like I have no rush, I can be picky” “Do you know what you want?” “Something like before, maybe I’ll teach piano in the meanwhile” They went quiet for a while. In front of them where the other three guys, Bokuto explaining them how to use a small bbq he had bought. Lev lifted and moved it closer to the balcony’s corner, screaming when he landed one of the metal legs on his own feet.

They all laughed, except Akaashi with a small giggle. “Why is he even here?” Asked Tsukishima, Akaashi tilted his head “I think I’m gonna play at Arisa’s wedding” “What?” Akaashi half shrugged “What? I’m perfect for it. I know I’ll play to half my friends wedding” Tsukishima smiled “You don’t even Know Arisa, he already paid you” Akaashi smiled too “YEs he did, a lot, but I do know her and she is nice. I won’t play at yours if you ever marry” “I would never invite you” He said teasing. He wondered, recalling the engagement party. “Did he told you why… they didn’t want to repeat the singer at the party for Arisa I guess” Tsukishima finally thought out loud “Who? That guy Oikawa” It surprised him that Akaashi knew him by name, and worried him. 

Akaashi continued “No, they wanted to. Arisa loved it. Also the groom’s brother Insisted on bringing him back” Tsukishima tightened his lips. “So?” Finally Asked “I don’t know, this guy didn’t answer, hasn’t responded the calls or anything.” Tsukishima wanted to know what had happened with Oikawa, if anything had happened. If he had something to do with it, or if the guy just didn’t care. “So you are but a replacement” said Tsukishima with a sarcastic voice. “I’d be but honoured” He answered right after turning to face Tsukishima. “We saw him playing with his band and all, and it was something” Tsukishima frowned, staring back “When?” Akaashi gave him a strange look before answering. “A club, was The Ace, last weekend… Why?” “How was it?” “Good, great, people adored him, I do too I think, why?” Tsukishima was trying to not sound eager, he didn’t want them to know. 

With Kuroo was enough, making him promise not to talk about Yamaguchi at all, that same night. Not to talk with the guys, or anyone, or Tsukishima himself, specially that last, didn’t matter the awkwardness that sometimes felt between both of them, because that was easy, to just throw it away until it disappeared, it had to. Meeting Yamaguchi again at a Date hadn’t helped, but at least Kuroo didn’t know, and Tsukishima wanted to keep it like that.

Tsukishima looked down to his shoes “Did you saw anyone, like, around him?” “Ah… yeah” A skip of a heartbeat “Many people actually, kind of fans, and mostly drunk” Tsukishima exhaled, Akaashi hadn’t see Yamaguchi, or Yamaguchi probably hadn’t go there, what was his relationship with oikawa anyway. It was a relief, more or less. “Why?” Asked Akaashi, Tsukishima did not respond “You can tell me, you know me” He insisted. Tsukishima suddenly wanted to, with an impulse to blurt it all out “It’s Ya…” A wave of shame, for doubting on telling him right now, for caring about it, for having to say ´Yamaguchi´ out loud again. 

Akaashi had been the one to tell him Tsukishima to go talk to Yamaguchi, after weeks apart. Right after he and Bokuto had announce their departure abroad. Tsukishima had decided to not care, he still had Kuroo. He did not want to go through it, looking after Yamaguchi now, looking like he did it only because he was running out of friends, so Yamaguchi could _ come back. _ As if Tsukishima would think that, for himself and about Yamaguchi. As if Yamaguchi weren’t going to think exactly that. Yet Akaashi had managed to convince him, even if too soon or too inconvenient or too scary.

And things were like this now. “Yamaguchi moved, and I never saw him again. I tried really hard, but we decided to let it wither and die.” Half truths, half lies, what was gonna be now? “We met again, it was nice. We are strangers, and I’m ok with it”?

Tsukishima showed a faint smile “I’ll tell you later”

  
  


On Tuesday Tsukishima had classes all morning, for 4 hours without breaks. But then he could go straight home, so it wasn’t that bad. He had to come next week with a detailed plan for the next month in the market of his imaginary business. He was walking with two other classmates, small talk with one, the other on the phone. He wanted to put on his headphones. No, too rude. He spotted a black car coming slowly on their direction. A familiar black car with a familiar silhouette on the driver’s seat. It stopped besides them “Tsukishima, I was looking for you, come” Said Akaashi happily. Tsukishima didn’t wanted to present his friends, or he had asked first. So he said goodbye to his friends and got in like knowing why.

“At least you are blonde or I would have to round the corner” “It’s not like I have a phone. I don’t want to hang out” Akaashi smiled “It’s almost a work thing, and I need your help, and you’ll enjoy it, I promise you” Tsukishima didn’t believe that “What is it?” “Uh… a musician thing, music business” Tsukishima gave him a bored face “Yeah, I’m the right man for that” Akaashi only smiled “I just need you to be there” Tsukishima didn’t want to walk now that was in the car, he resigned and stared through the window in his side to the passing houses. 

After a quite long ride in silence they reached the place, whatever it was since Tsukishima hadn’t asked because he hadn’t care to, just that Akaashi needed to talk with someone. They got out and walked by a residential street, no place that looked like an agency, just houses and some coffee shops and stores, just starting to get crowded for lunch. They stopped at a big and pink two-stories coffee shop, a sign in cursive said “Blue aromas” They went up the exterior staircase to the rooftop, wide as the cafeteria, and very long, with a glass ceiling and opened in the sides. It had already a lot of people, half the tables occupied. Tsukishima guessed it was to meet with someone.

They walked to the back, almost the end, and sat down on a table in one side, right besides the short wall, of bricks that still allowed a great view even sat down, to a disperse part of the city, with patches of threes in between the buildings. The wind was nice now under the sun, Tsukishima wondered what they did in winter. “We are here to convince him to play at the wedding, ok?” What? Tsukishima looked at Akaashi for an explanation, but all he got was a wink before he turned around and saw Oikawa coming their table. In a second Tsukishima was sweating and breathing heavily, he turned around, looking around, searching everywhere. Fuck “Akaashi what is this?”

No answer since Oikawa reached them, and immediately sat down in front of them. “Hey, hi, Akaashi right? I’m Oikawa, obviously” “Nice to meet you” “So, this is… “ Oikawa’s simile started to fade, and then he was looking in between surprised and offended, Tsukishima crossed his arms and ignored him and Akaashi, who just seemed amused. “Yeah, ah, he is a friend of mine, I think you saw him before at Arisa’s party. Right Tsukishima?” Oikawa answered for him “Ha. Tsukishima. It was hard to miss his presence” An short but awkward silence “So, like him, everyone at the party loved you” “Don’t say, the Haiba thing?” Tsukishima half wanted to leave, half wanted to turn around again, whatever he did he was going to to end up giving an explanation, he was already here. And indeed, he was already here, what could he do?

“Yes, I myself wasn’t there, but I saw you at The Ace not long ago, and just whoa” “Really?” Exclaimed Oikawa with true surprise “We loved you, I have played there you know” “Of course I know, I mean,  _ Akaashi Keiji _ wanted to see me. What?!” The guy squealed, and Akaashi seemed to follow. Now Tsukishima felt ignored and it was worse “I used to go to every play I could, like, years ago, I even wanted to play piano because of you. And I tried, but yeah, no, I’m a singer.” “I’m really flattered, how came I never saw you?” “I know right? I mean, I don’t know, I guess it was because I was rather shy guy, and when I tried to meet you you left the country and went to the other side of the world, so. But I was inspire, I went to the Ace because you performed there, among other stuff.” “No way, you did it better than I ever did anyway” “Oh, shut up!” Tsukishima used their mutual interest to turn around again, wondering if he was here, if he worked with Oikawa in any way

.

He wondered what Yamaguchi was doing, today, or any day. He had wondered for years. Right before their last summer break, talking about life, Yamaguchi had said he wasn’t sure to study a career, something unthinkable to Tsukishima. “I’ll go get coffee” he said standing up. He got a serious look from Oikawa, who almost said something to him but didn’t, and Akaashi finally looked really confused. 

Tsukishima walked slow and not in the shortest path to take, doubting at every step. Actually go for a coffee, leave, run. A rush of wind and sound of branches gave him a lasting background white noise. It was not important, not important at all.He reached the counter and asked for a medium iced tea. The metallic and sort of garden gate was next to him. He grabbed his pink cup and without turning around or thinking it twice, or thinking it at all he walked to the door, down the stairs. A couple of steps, the second he lost sight of the rooftop he felt a strange way of relief. Like the time his laptop broke in the middle of writing a long essay, unintentionally giving up. Like his brother when he ran away. 

Tsukishima tapped the metallic frame of his glasses, then pushed them back. This was ridiculous, he just had to sit besides Akaashi and wait, they sure hadn’t noticed. Tsukishima quickly turned around and could only take back two steps before his cup got crashed between him and Yamaguchi. Tsukishima thought he had recognized the boy a second before the crash. The shock of seeing his face, and getting a look back. More than the crash and the cold water spilled in his arm. A couple of tiny mint leaves had stick on Yamaguchi´s shirt, along with the rest of cold tea. 

They both were staring at the mess. Tsukishima laso looking at his hair, messy and without tea, his hands, first up and now checking the wet fabric, his shoulders, going up faster and faster. Yamaguchi started to breath hard, maybe just because it was cold, under the burning sun. Tsukishima closed his eyes for a second. “I’m sorry” Tsukishima said softly, Yamaguchi took a deep breath “No I- I am sorry, I-” he said, shaking his head not looking Tsukishima at the face, or even close. “I’m sorry, uhm I should…” He said trying to point behind Tsukishima, to the sidewalk. Tsukishima noticed his red cheeks, very red. He was uncomfortable too at the very least, so he stepped aside. 

“Are you okay?” Tsukishima asked when Yamaguchi was passing right in front of him, hoping for him to rise his head. “I need to go home” He answered with a sad voice, or angry, Tsukishima couldn’t tell. “Yamaguchi” Tsukishima called in an immediately regretted imprudence. But Yamaguchi stopped, and turned his head around just a little bit, Tsukishima sighed, nervous. “Ask Oikawa about Akaashi, he’d like to hear about you.” Tsukishima didn’t wait for any reaction, finally going back the rooftop. 

Akaashi and Oikawa looked the same, talking and smiling. Tsukishima sat down without saying anything “What happened?” Asked Akaashi pointing at his arm. “I ran into someone” Oikawa scoffed “Did you?, I wonder...” He said , looking back to the counter. Tsukishima now had to talk to Akaashi, forced himself to, and now he was dying to, somewhere in private. “Are you playing at the wedding or not?” He deeply annoyed asked Oikawa.

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, thanks for all the love  
> hi! bye
> 
> *Akaashi´s job comes from my other fanfic  
> *And The Ace  
> * Please visualize the sound of the wind and branches moving, it's nice and important.


	7. The hurt we want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The festival it's a japanese Matsuri by the way.

Yamaguchi was drawing the background for a poster, switching over and over again the ten color palettes Makki and Mattsun had given him. They all looked good, Yamaguchi was feeling good. Suga was by the window, it was sunny and windy, both in Yamaguchi’s room doing their thing. It felt like the morning of a sunday before a free week, it had become harder and harder to be that way at home, but they managed. Oikawa had given him Akaashi’s number, after Yamaguchi had to give him a short summary of how the two knew each other. And why Yamaguchi hadn’t mentioned it despite Oikawa’s admiration.

Akaashi was already a known musician when they graduated, and here and then Yamaguchi had heard his name, from friends to radio. It had felt like Yamaguchi had completely forgotten they had ever talked to each other. And honestly he had never heard Oikawa mention him, at least not by name, Oikawa had got kind of upset anyway. And of course Yamaguchi thought it was his fault for listening to Tsukishima, after so long. But Akaashi answered, and seemed glad to talk to him again. Yamaguchi felt a wave of relief in between the rushes of embarrassment for the spilled drink, but that now were a nice warmness, that it hadn’t been that bad of a thing. Yamaguchi half worked half stared at his phone until another heavy sigh from Suga interrupted him. Akaashi had said he was gonna be very busy today, so there was no point on hoping for a lively conversation.

  
  


Suga used to work a lot, all the times, sometimes without coming home for days, sometimes giving himself vacations that everyone at his job seemed to respect. And in vacation Suga was at home reading and cooking, or out being slutty. “That rat hasn’t given me back like 20 books” Yamaguchi flinched “What?” “Oikawa” Yamaguchi recalled seeing some familiar covers on Oikawa’s room, his kitchen, and outside besides a pot with margaritas. Suga would strangle them both he ever found out. “I’ll ask him” “You take them back, by your own hands” Said Suga still looking towards the street, as if telling it to himself. “Are you ok?” Asked Yamaguchi for the behaviour that he had come to know, that came once or even twice a month.“I broke up with Makoto” “Oh no, I’m… so sorry” Who was Makoto?

Whoever they were, and despite knowing Suga was gonna be okay in two days, Yamaguchi tried to cheer him up. “It’s fine, maybe you just deserve better” Suga nodded slowly, then tilted his head “I was a bitch to him tho” and continued to stare outside thoughtful. Yamaguchi smiled to him “Oh come on, no way, you are cool, maybe too cool to him?” Suga gave him a knowing look. “And you should be a little tiny bit more… considerate?” “Considerate? what does that mean?” “uh, it’s like-” “Considerate, ha, that’s not a real word” Suga looked sad under the angry expression. Yamaguchi pinched his lower lips, considering. 

Yamaguchi decided “Wanna go out tonight?” Suga groaned “You said you hate the after sex weeks, and I don’t want things weird again” “Not like that! Besides Yachi is coming” “Oh, I see. Making advances with the girl?” Yamaguchi sighed, “I wish, but… yeah.” “I don’t want to cockblock” “What? No, don’t worry, she’s also bringing Kiyoko along” “The black haired girl?” “Yep” Suga seemed thoughtful “Those two are  _ very  _ close” Yamaguchi shrugged “I know, obviously you know, Kiyoko is amazing” Suga rolled his eyes. “We’ve talked a lot already... too much maybe” Too much context for meeting Tsukishima at the race. He had not spoken to them since then and Yamaguchi didn't want to meet them again alone, or what he felt was alone. “But she’s great, after tonight you’ll love her too. Please?” “I won’t drive” “Well, it’s not far”

  
  


Yamaguchi loved the summer nights, when he could go out with light clothes, go out at night in general, really outside. Now they were out on the streets of a close neighborhood celebrating a small summer festival. Yamaguchi missed been a kid when he could play to a lot more things than now when the adult things are more about drinking and sightseeing, but he still liked them. He and Yachi were ahead, Suga and Kiyoko followed behind talking, thankfully. They were eating peach popsicles except Suga who had a beer. They stopped by a wood crafts stall. 

Yachi picked a small bird and showed it to Yamaguchi. She looked so tired, even sleepy. “You look tired” Yachi half smiled “I’ve been doing a lot of work” Of course she was, she always was, her plan was to move from his parents place and study, and since the day they had meet at Oikawa’s house, she had been saving as much as she ever could. “Oh, anything I can help?” “Oh no, you have helped me so much, convincing Oikawa when he gets stubborn is more than enough.” Yamaguchi smiled too “It can be hard sometimes” “At least he as been punctual paying me” “He better.” Yamaguchi knew, Oikawa hated to be greedy with ‘his employes’. One day he was gonna find out that if anything, everyone considered Matsukawa the leader and boss.

Kiyoko and Suga were checking a miniature house, and Kiyoko was laughing. Yachi turned around to see them “Are you still a waitress at, what was its name?” “Doesn’t matter, I got a better job at a cake shop” “Really? I’m so happy, where is it?” “I’ll give you the address later, you really should come, love to serve you a meringue” Yamaguchi blushed hard, so he turned his head to the wooden cutlery “Yeah-yeah, love to, ha.” Was this a good moment? Yamaguchi had been looking for it lately, to talk to Yachi, about feelings, his. “I, uhm” Yamaguchi looked for words, but in his nervousness he remembered Tsukishima, from long ago, the kiss and the rejection. It had happened more than once, or twice, or ten times, and sometimes Yamaguchi even felt grateful for it, like a warning, and a lesson.

“We could hang out before… one day if you want, if- uh, you want?” Yachi gave him a curious look and then a wide smile “Of course, love to. This is nice, we should do it more often” She said looking around. Yamaguchi happily took his half win, for now. Yachi stopped looking at the other two friends and got close to Yamaguchi, he blushing again. “Suga is gay, right?” “Uh, yeah, very” “Ok, ok” She added nodding. Yamaguchi turned around to see them, it might look like they were flirting indeed, but that was because Suga could be funny, and Kiyoko was nice. Kiyoko bought Yachi the little bird she had picked up, they continued to walk through more stalls of food, games and art, until the end of some street, with a small park square and a group of people doing a traditional dance. Suga signaled at them and walked away, asking Yamaguchi to buy him water. 

They went for another food stall for the water, while Kiyoko was buying fried rice, asking Yamaguchi to talk in private for a second, but before that Yachi stumbled and landed on kiyoko’s back, out of tiredness. Now she was looking pale and her eyes were puffy, Kiyoko and Yamaguchi checked her worried, and apparently all she wanted was to sleep. Kiyoko scolded her for pushing so hard, gave an unnecessary apology to Yamaguchi and took her home. Yamaguchi felt really bad for not saying anything before, or offering himself to take her home, but he didn’t want to leave Suga alone. He grabbed two bottles and went to look for Suga in the crowd watching the dance.

It was dark and people were backlit, but thankfully Suga’s silver hair stood out. Yamaguchi handed a bottle over his shoulder next to his face. The guy barely turned around to see the hand hanging the water, he flinched and held a scream, making Yamaguchi also flinch and gasp. That was not his friend. The stranger raised his hands “What were you doing? You can’t do that” “Your hair is silver!” Said Yamaguchi at loss for words. The guy looked around and then at Yamaguchi, “What?” He said surprised but softly, Yamaguchi shacked his hands “I mean, I’m sorry, my friend, your hair. So-” The other guy opened his mouth for a second then closed it slowly while looking at Yamaguchi in a different way. 

“I know you” “Do you?” Asked Yamaguchi paying attention to his face, which was totally new, and if anything Yamaguchi knew he only had one silver haired friend. The other guy continued “You, you were- yeah, there, it was you, right?” he said while pointing at Yamaguchi, who just answered a generic “Uhh” Then the guy took his hand to his forehead rubbing it. “Gotta go” He said, probably to himself since he didn’t wait for any reaction from Yamaguchi. Maybe Yamaguchi looked a lot like a friend of the other guy, instead of the silver hair the freckles. Quickly the guy got away in between the people, and Yamaguchi had to call Suga to find him, on the other side of the park. 

He joined Suga, sitting besides him on the grass, mentioning the girls leaving and the encounter, suga making fun of it and remarking he had a unique shade of color. It was nice, but after a while it became boring, repetitive. Suga was now on his phone scrolling uninterested, and despite Yamaguchi effort to pay attention he was starting to feel sleepy. He didn’t want to go home yet, because walking back was would awake him again and then he was going to be bored on his bed, at least here was cooler. Yamaguchi stood up and grabbed Suga by the shoulders “Come, let’s walk” Suga groaned “I’m tired” “Wanna leave? “I don’t want to get up” “Let’s find another spot then” Suga groaned again, harder “I’m hungry, bring me food” “Fine, what?” “Yes” Answered Suga back to scrolling. “Suga!” “Uh, pasta” Yamaguchi frowned, no one was selling pasta here. 

Yamaguchi reached again the food stands, mostly snacks. He went for popcorn, that was close enough to pasta, sea salt for Suga and rainbow sweet for himself. Two steps in his way back he saw a familiar figure standing at the end of the paved floor right before the grass started. The lightning was a lot warmer than the last time, but soon enough Yamaguchi recognized Ushijima, with a white button shirt, sleeves rolled up and hands on his pockets, he had already spotted Yamaguchi, and seemed to be waiting for him. 

It was strange that he was just there, in the middle of Yamaguchi's way, like it could happen to friends or neighbors, when only few days ago was the very first time they ever met. In the end Oikawa said he needed time to consider the offer, which was the same as yes, but he wanted to stress Ushijima out. 

Yamaguchi had not yet see Iwaizumi, or know anything about him, but it was clear it was someone operant to Oikawa, and remained, sadly, the love of his life, to many people disappointment. But the thing was, in Oikawa's words "Of all the stupid things I did to drive Iwachan away, Ushijima was the first" And not because Ushijima had appeared on their lives at the wrong time, he had known them both for a while and befriended Iwaizumi too. He always insisted Oikawa that Iwaizumi was not his type, and Oikawa obviously just ignored him, as he did with everyone back then, even Matsukawa and Hanamaki, as they many, many times had brought out when the argued, and they argued almost daily. In the end the one and only time Okawa listened he missed an important day with Iwaizumi, the first of many. 

Listening to Oikawa made for a second Yamaguchi feel guilty for talking to Ushijima, but Ushijima had not done anything wrong, and Oikawa didn’t seem to blame him or hold any grudge against him, it was a bad memory. And if Oikawa could turn the situation and get a little bit more of benefits from anyone, he always would. Now Yamaguchi felt second hand guiltiness for making Ushijima insist, he had been nice anyway. Now he smiled, or tried to, when Yamaguchi was close enough.

“Yamaguchi, good evening.” “Ushijima, hi. What a coincidence, right?” “Not really, I came to see you” Yamaguchi raised his eyebrows and kept them up “What? How, how could you find me, here?” “Semi told you, and I was nearby, so” Yamaguchi shaked his head “Who? I don’t, I don't…” “What? I thought you had met Semi, he said you offered him water.” “Ah, that guy! Yeah, no it’s not like I, I mean, so he is your friend?” “Yeah, and we sort of work together, he knows Oikawa so he knows you,in case you were wondering” “I see, Oikawa never mentioned him thought” Now Ushijima shaked his head softly “No, I mean, I talked to him about the, uh band would you call it? and I had to give credit for the photos. He saw us at the Ace too” “Ok, that explains it” an awkward laugh followed, and then silence.

Yamaguchi looked around at the people and the lights, to the popcorn on his left hand, and then the right, thinking what to say, but mostly waiting for Ushijima to talk. He probably had say goodbye by now, but Ushijima had just said he somehow were here for him, supposing yamaguchi hadn’t tangled things in his head. Maybe he had. “So I should be going, someone is waiting for me.” He said giving an apologizing smile at the end, signaling with his head behind Ushijima, with the luck of spotting Suga right away, excited and smiling, walking, if not springing, besides a guy that smiled back at him. “So, i guess that’s your friend”. It was on himself, thought Yamaguchi.

So he joined Ushijima in a walk around the place, and gave him the sea salt popcorn. A lot of people was doing the same, taking photos and laughing, so it didn't feel weird. “You said you needed to tell me something…” “Did I?” “Well, not exactly, but don’t you?” "I need Oikawa to reconsider" He said then catching with his mouth popcorn he threw really high, mpressive and casual. Done the trick Yamaguchi came back to his words "Reconsider what?" "Playing at The Ace.” Ah, Oikawa. Yamaguchi looked at Ushijima, serious keeping his eyes ahead, handsome and naive so far. Yamaguchi rubbed the bridge of his eyes “What did he said? I mean, we didn’t asked what you two talked back there” And they hadn’t, Oikawa gave them a detailed summary of the offers and demands, and Ushijima unbearable face the second they set foot outside the club. “He was way too busy with actual important things.” “Don’t say” “I thought he had enjoyed it” “Oh, he did! But!” Continued Yamaguchi doubting his words “There is people marrying and graduations. He can be busy.” “I understand, I know”

They walked a little while in silence, Yamaguchi wanted to check his phone for a text from Suga or Akaashi, but didn’t wanted to look bored, he wasn’t, nor was he excited. “So you want me to talk to Oikawa about it?” Ushijima waved his head doubting “Sounds like cheating, I thought maybe you could give me an advice” “Me? Advice? Ha, like what?” “I don’t know either” They both smiled “Should I rise the money?” “Oh no, no. Wait, I mean Oikawa would kill me if he hears me saying just no to that, I mean, it’s a job anyway-” Yamaguchi stopped himself and shaked his hands in front of him. “I don’t think is the pay, you would know, haha. Uhh, maybe he is not motivated enough” Ushijima looked at him “But he owned it last time what changed?” “It was his first time there, maybe it’s different without that?” “I can’t make first time happen again” Yamaguchi frowned amused-.

“Indeed” “So?” Yamaguchi shrugged, he really didn’t know. “Give him something new, redecorate the scenario or something” Ushijima thought for a second “Ok, I get it. Didn’t he mention anything about me?” “Like what?” “I feel like I ruined it, he doesn’t want me near” Yamaguchi shaked his head in a light way, weighting what to say. “He was just surprised” “Seemed like more” “Well, he also got to remember things.” “Ah, I guess” 

Once again they walked in silence empty handed now, doing small talk about the festival. The place was getting busier, and different kinds of music played higher and messier from everywhere, they stopped to watch a couple of people place bread buns behind a glass counter, or at least Yamaguchi did. Ushijima started to fix his sleeves, that had come undone a little “So for how long have you met Oikawa?” He asked still focusing on his task. Yamaguchi watched him. “Uh, almost two years, I think” He put on a smile “And he never mentioned me?” 

Yamaguchi gulped, knowing the real tone of the question. “I… You see, I found out he admires a former friend of me like, yesterday.” Ushijima looked at him, thoughtful, the smile undoing, and then coming up again, then sighed heavily. “I see. But… bet there is other people he always talks about” It took Yamaguchi a second to realize it was probably Iwaizumi who he was talking about. It was personal, and Yamaguchi had not really paid attention to whatever they had done. But now he was kind of curious, watching Ushijima’s profile, uninterested and sad, looking away. Yamaguchi lowered his head and smiled bitterly to himself. Something familiar.

Yamaguchi heard Suga calling him, and immediately after felt the height against his back and on his shoulders, Suga’s arms around him and his loud laughter right on his ear. “Yamaguchi! You don’t know!” He half yelled squishing him harder. Yamaguchi undo the hug and rubbed his ear “Jeez, what happened.” “I found-” Suga stopped when he noticed UShijima staring at them, and looked back at Yamaguchi “Right, this is Ushijima, this is my friend Suga” Introduced Yamaguchi, Ushijima just bowed his head a little, and Suga kept smiling widely at him. “I should go” He said signaling behind him somewhere. “No, stay.” Protested Suga, Yamaguchi didn’t say anything, a goodbye or an invitation, they both sounded like too much. “I have to work, bye” He waved and turned around, a quick “Bye” from Yamaguchi. 

Suga smirked “Who was that?” He asked pausing at every word. Yamaguchi frowned and then smiled “We kind of, he will work with Oikawa I hope” “I hope too!” Yamaguchi rolled his eyes “Where were you anyway, you just left me!” Suga closed his eyes and bit his lip. “His name is Daichi” Another roll of eyes “There you go” Yamaguchi said concerned. “There I go” Mocked Suga still smiling “Here, let's go, we have to talk.”


	8. A constellation down here

Chapter 8

A constellation down here

  
  


For the first time in a long time Tsukishima was laying on the floor, his legs up against his bed with the back of his knees on the border of it. He used to lay down like this all the time when he was a child, because Akiteru did it too. The sun was still hiding, but there was enough light to see, bluish and cold. 

He finally had updated Akaashi about his whereabouts in town, including Yamaguchi at the end. Akaashi listened with eyes wide open, barely saying anything, let out a heavy sigh and left, leaving Tsukishima wishing it had been Bokuto the one he had talk to. 

That night in his little sleep he dreamed of Yamaguchi; back in the classroom, sitting behind him, reaching out with his hand and tapping his shoulder, getting no answer. 

He had woken up tired and at unease, tired yet not sleepy at all. And as a thread of memories started to pull him in, starting to feel hot, he remembered how it felt the cold floor on his back, and how being around him was, so from his bed in the lonely morning he slided down, back to both.

  
  


September 27, his birthday, fucking again. Tsukishima didn’t minded the gifts, or his parents coming or being alive overall, but it was always a little bit overwhelming being the person that connects it all, the most hugged and questioned, the one to give a speech about how grateful he was, specially this year. He was actually really mad at Akiteru, and had swallowed everything down for the sake of not going back to live with his parents, but also the idea of confronting Akiteru gave him shivers. Mom and dad had chosen get awkward everytime the topic came up, like it was some silly relationship that had ended, not his untold fiancee. It had to be okay, his brother had already explained and cried, didn’t matter it all was fake.

He was ready, with his new jersey and hair combed, taken half the morning on it, and not because he cared. Finally he came out of his room to the living room, particularly organized today, with a birthday arrangement on the coffee table, and extra chairs at the table, It smelled good. Akiteru stepped out of the kitchen, apron, gloves and a stupid blue cardboard hat.

“Hey there, are you ready birthday boy? I'm doing a very special thing for lunch, do you wanna help?” He asked with a big smile, so kind, so good at it. 

Tsukishima clenched his fist so he didn’t rolled his eyes, and managed to smile a little “I can’t. Bokuto said he had something for me so…”

“Oh, really? you can invite him here you know” 

“He said he needed me to go to his house” Tsukishima turned around and walked towards the door.

“Oh, uh, don’t take too long okay?” Akiteru called worried before Tsukishima closed the door. Did he really not know how stupid it was for him to demand anything, to smile, to care. Tsukishima walked fast towards the elevator checking his pockets, to find only his phone and headphones. Yamaguchi had given him a wallet as a present the day before, black and leather-like, not very different from the one he already owned, nonetheless Tsukishima had moved all his stuff from the old one into his new gift, but had only stared at it on his desk this morning instead of actually taking it with him. He was not going back to his apartment.

At first Tsukishima did walked to Bokuto’s house, but after passing a few blocks he started to miss the turns and walk to whatever side of the street he liked best. He didn't minded Bokuto asking why he was there, or actually doing something for him because of his birthday, but there was this guilt feeling about looking anyone in the face, knowing that he was resting his problems into someone else, didn’t matter the excuses or backup intensions or reasons. This morning in the shower he checked his pubic hair, thoughtfully, it was not going to get much more abundant, this was it. He was running out of time to grow up, the fuck up; 

  
  


The sidewalks started to get wider and in bright yellow, so in the noon sun it was blinding, Tsukishima squinted and kept his eyes down, just in front of his shoes, staring at the tiny rectangular shapes that paved the way, he slowed down and put his headphones on, with the music at a higher volume than usual. He kinda knew the place he was at, maybe because a lot of places by the river looked the same, with this bright sunny day vibe. Outside a building was a bar of bricks framing a garden of tall green plants, Yamaguchi called them unfriendly plants, too serious and elegant. He sat on the bar, mostly because there was other people sitting on it. He hadn’t answered Yamaguchi’s message of ‘Happy Birthday.’ Or anyone’s, he had to start somewhere

Yamaguchi: Happy Birthday!! You are a nice person and deserve the best, I hope you receive a lot of love today, but also that people leave you alone haha. bye.

Yamaguchi: Can I come by your home later? really quick

Yamaguchi: Actually no, sorry haha I hope I didn’t wake you up, sorry if I did. wsh you the best

Me: What r you doing?

And almost immediately

Yamaguchi: Hi, good morning, and hAPPY BIRTHDAY. NOt much really. chores 

Me: Why did you want to come?

Yamaguchi: I wanted to give you something but not anymore

Yamaguchi: I mean not now, later if it’s fine when you can or at school 

Me: What about now?

Yamaguchi: REally?

Yamaguchi: ok On my way

Me: Will you ride the train?

Yamaguchi: Yes

Me: Can you take the one to Aoba’s station

Yamaguchi: Why??

Because that train would leave Yamaguchi almost where Tsukishima was, just closer to the river.

Me: Call me when you arrive, I’m close to the station.

Tsukishima was waiting, for his surprise, for Yamaguchi, by Aoba’s river, on his birthday. He spotted Yamaguchi as soon as he appeared over the street, half running towards him, sweaty and smiling, wearing a red shirt with a shiba dog, and carrying something in his hands, careful of it. They met on the side of one street, houses behind it and the wide shallow river ahead. A breathless ‘hey’ from Yamaguchi, “What are you doing here? alone?”

  
  


“I was bored”

“Oh, and your brother, or your parents?”

“The haven’t arrived yet”

Yamaguchi looked distracted, staring at Tsukishima’s head. Then he realized, He had forgotten he had combed his hair this morning, and probably looked bad. he hurried to discreetly run his hand over his head, trying not to make it worse.

“No” Exclaimed Yamaguchi “You looked nice- different, ah...smart.” Yamaguchi cleared his throat “So, mom told me to give you this” He said handing over a small pink box, decorated with drawings of fruits and biscuits, it smelled sweet, delicious. “Happy birthday, ha, once again” Tsukishima opened it a bit, curious, inside was a tiny cake, white cream and red and purple honey carefully coating it, a big perfect strawberry on top. He could eat it in three bites, It was so cute! Tsukishima hadn’t realized how much he had been smiling, he stopped and closed the box, adjusted his glasses after. Yamaguchi was facing the river ahead of them.

It was fine, that way Tsukishima could stare at the freckles on his cheeks and across his nose, harder to spot on the blush.

“Wow, your mom sent me this?”

“Yep”

“Did she guessed the flavor too?”

“What?”

“It’s too perfect”

Yamaguchi shyly shrugged and slowly faced Tsukishima

“I picked it, and bought it... But my mom sends you best wishes”

Tsukishima smiled at him “This may even beat the wallet” said in a serious way.

Yamaguchi frowned at the comment but said nothing, Tsukishima stared at him again, waiting.

“I kind of have the receipt”

Tsukishima rolled his eyes amused “It still has the second place, take the win” and pushed Yamaguchi slightly with his shoulder. “Really?” Asked Yamaguchi quite excited, not really a question. Tsukishima's phone vibrated on his pocket, he carefully pressed the box to his chest with one hand and picked the phone with his free hand.

Mom: Come home right now, everyone is waiting

Mom: Your friends can wait, you better be here in 30 minutes, Im serious. love you

He had hoped they were going to take longer on calling him, he wanted to be here, now for real. He could tease Yamaguchi, share the cake. Stress him and probably make him feel responsible.

“I have to go back”

“Oh, Akiteru?”

“No, my parents are already at the apartment”

“Wait, your family is waiting for you?”

Tsukishima noded texting his mom back. “I told you they were on their way”

“And I thought they would be here at night, or you were going to pick them. Why are you here?!- here, out here, instead of there?”

Tsukishima looked at him, Yamaguchi was surprised if not worried. Actually he turned to completely worried “This-you, I didn’t make come all the way here, for this!” Yamaguchi said loudly pointing at the cake. 

“No, I was here before. To… take photos” Tsukishima signaled with his head the river, starting to sparkle with the afternoon sun, just a little. He didn’t give a fuck for it and Yamaguchi probably knew.

Tsukishima taped his fingers on the cake box. “And I needed some me-time” That was probably even less believable. “I really should go back now”

Yamaguchi thought for a second, fidgeting with the lower edge of his shirt. “Ok then...but… it’s everything okay” He asked carefully, slowly and softly. He had came all the way here for pretty much nothing, after all, it actually felt bad to lie.

“I’m just kind of mad at Akiteru”   
“What happened? I mean, if it’s, it’s okay to ask. Did you two had a fight?”

Tsukishima didn’t answered at first, not sure of what to say, because he didn’t really knew what was it, just that he was angry. And he had forgotten about it for a while until now “He is… he can be a cheater”

“What do you mean?” Tsukishima pursed his lips and took a deeper breath than usual “I thought he was... stronger, or smarter, or, just, better” 

As expected a long silence, not too long thankfully. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what to- uh, say. Have you said anything to him? about it?”

“It’s hard, it has more to do with his private life”

“Ah. Well, maybe is just a misunderstanding?”

“It is not” And talking about it was actually frustrating.

Before Yamaguchi said anything else Tsukishima’s phone vibrated again, this time his mom calling, he didn’t answer. “I need to go it's like an hour to home” 

Yamaguchi put on a confused face “But, walking.” “I left everything at home but my phone” Said this Yamaguchi rushed his hands to his pockets. “I have money!” He said joyful, relieved as if it was his problem. Tsukishima rarely failed to feel awkward when Yamaguchi did that kind of stuff, and he hated it so he tried to turn it into annoyance.

“It’s fine, I want to take long-” “Don’t say that, they are waiting for you, and you shouldn’t upset your mom, or anyone, come on” Yamaguchi gave a couple of steps in front of him, eager for Tsukishima to move. Tsukishima threw his head back, tired 

“I can if I want, I’m better here” 

“You are just hiding”

Tsukishima frowned, pissed. “Like I’m the problem?” Yamaguchi shaked his head “No. Well, it’s just, I mean Akiteru adores you, and i’m sure your family does too” 

“Yeah, I still can be very late” He said trying to sound bitter. now Yamaguchi was the one to frown

“You rather spend the day here?”

“What’s wrong with it?”

“It’s just you and me, on a street” 

Tsukishima stopped to rank the three characters. The street wasn’t ugly. So probably Yamaguchi had the whole day ahead to do something that wasn’t being stuck with him. Was Tsukishima that boring?

“And I don’t want your mom to think I’m a bad influence”

Tsukishima sighed heavily, throwing his head back “What are you saying” And scoffed, half holding his laugh. Yamaguchi didn’t seem to find anything funny about his worries and His concerned face made it better. There was no helping it.

“But-”

“I won’t share this with them, at least.” He said tapping his gift, and starting to walk, for Yamaguchi’s joy

So far Tsukishima had laughed, a total surprise considering how he had felt this morning. But now It was frustrating, not only because now he started to feel bad for leaving home but also because it was hard to fight Yamaguchi, even trying his hard to look pissed the boy still looked at him like it was he the one that was going to eat the perfect tiny cake Tsukishima was holding. Maybe it was for the better, but for a second Tsukishima had believed he was going to tell him more. Share more, but then again, trouble him more. 

They walked in silence until they arrived at the station. Despite his looks Yamaguchi was athletic, leave it alone compared to Tsukishima. But it still bothered him to be so tired and breathless while Yamaguchi skipped playfully ahead of him.

“Why are you smiling so much today anyway?” Tsukishima asked with some difficulty. Yamaguchi tilted his head, and put a serious expression, only for a second. “Am I? Well, today turned to be a nice day… Im happy, for it.” Tsukishima looked up to the sky, almost no clouds and the few ones were like white cotton. 

“Because of the weather?” 

“Sure!” Yamaguchi waved his head like in second thought. “I’m proud. I’m happy I managed to see you today. Although there is something. This... this is kind of embarrassing but... ”

  
  


Tsukishima stumbled at his words “Why- what?” said regaining balance and now grabbing his pink box with both hands, hoping he hadn’t shaked it too much.

“It was Akaashi the one that suggested I gave you some pastry, actually. And at first I, I thought it was too much, maybe? But I did it ha, thankfully. Ah, don’t tell Akaashi I told you”

Two seconds later Tsukishima let go of that strange rush of stress, that came with the idea of something actually important, involving them both. Great, something else to overthink later, He laughed at himself.  _ Fucking pathetic _ .

Yamaguchi tilted his head staring at Tsukishima “What is it? Are you..”

“What?” Asked Tsukishima, fearing he had said something out loud. 

“You are kind of red”

Was he? he couldn’t tell, it wasn’t usual. But his cheeks did felt kind of warm. 

For nothing, about nothing. Maybe Tsukishima was doing this; overthinking about the people around him. Akiteru was just trying to play gentleman, probably. 

And Yamaguchi was the trusted reliant friend.

Now they were probably going to get mad at him, or think he was ungrateful for their efforts. For making the apartment look prettier, for traveling long, for being there. Tsukishima rubbed his forehead, a little bit sweaty 

“It’s just I think I’ve overdone it, I should had just stick to helping Akiteru cook.”

Yamaguchi turned to see him, but said nothing and continued, they entered the station, A couple of sets of wide concrete stairs going underground, giant banners around with models and shows, and a line of workers in one side repainting the warning lines on the floor. They were trying to keep the station fine, but it was hard to cover how old it was. 

“Oh, good, you can still take the 2pm train. You are going to be in time for, uh, not being late? I mean, considering the distance”

“That doesn’t count because they think I’m at Bokuto’s”

“Bokuto? that’s, that’s closer”

“I’ll tell them it was his fault”

Yamaguchi laughed, walking away “Yeah”

Tsukishima thought Yamaguchi was leaving his way to take his train, but he turned around and walked back the steps he had take. 

“And, you know, I- When I was turning ten, my parents kind of gave me a surprise party, they brought every friend I had, and a couple of relatives from other cities. They had already given me a bike! So I truly wasn’t expecting anything at all. And, when I opened the door and they jumped and yelled... I fell on my butt, and started crying, and was so happy and embarrassed that cried more, I was so nervous I didn’t eat or play for the most part. My parents had work so hard and planned it so well, and I just- In every photo I’m a mess, haha. But I was so happy and grateful, I’ll never forget it, and now we laugh when we talk about it!”

Some passing train, and Yamaguchi smiling at him. 

Tsukishima tried to say something, but he didn’t knew what, it felt like he had just been asked some very personal rhetorical question. 

“Wow”

Yamaguchi balanced on his heels and smiled wider, and awkwardly.

“I’m trying to say that, you haven’t done anything mean. Birthdays can be though, I guess? Uhm, and your family back there probably knows it. And at least you are not crying and making everyone confused” a small laugh, that Tsukishima could not hear, but at least see. And who knows, maybe feel.

It had been heartwarming. Tsukishima scoffed amused, smiling “This comforts me. Thank you”

Yamaguchii smiled, and started to nod, a lot and fast, probably trying to mask his face, more and more red. He waved and went the other direction, to take his train home. Tsukishima held his box thightly, nothing could happen to it.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all are doing great, be kind to others, and of course be kind to yourself!  
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> (Those train scenes in romantic animes)

**Author's Note:**

> Archive of our uwu.
> 
> ¡¡¡¡Thank you for reading me!!!!


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